That Burning Desire

Anybody can quit drugs. People do it all the time.Everyday hundreds probably thousands of people quit doing drugs. Having that burning desire to quit is great but let me tell you a secret. Staying off drugs is where the success lies.
I found the first 6 months to be the toughest. It seemed that not only every day did I not only have that burning desire to use,but I used to have that burning desire every hour it seemed, sometimes every five minutes and believe me it sucked and if you've ever kicked the shit you know exactly what I'm talking about.
So I've mentioned two different desires. The burning desire to quit and The burning desire to use.
Now I actually didn't have the Burning Desire to quit in the beginning . I basically was OK with using.Sure I knew things were getting out of hand but hey I always got away or out of everything so I figured I got this no problem.

Well let me tell you where that wonderful thinking got me.

 OK I wasn't kidnapped by 7 dwarfs ( Although there was this one night in Mexico where I woke up with a donkey,2 midgets , a gorgeous little Latina and chocolate sprinkles all over my boxer shorts - don't ask) but it got me dead. Litterly I mean dead like the ticker stopped ticking. The heart stopped pounding. My savior was a nurse a 21 year old nurse actually. This nurse came in to do one of those medication wake ups at four in the morning and saw that I was, well to be blunt - dead. After going into a coma for a while and then 3 fun filled weeks  in the ICU I was able to have that burning desire to stop using. Scary uh?

Hell now did I not only have a burning desire to quit. I had a burning desire to live. So I told myself, self, your desire to quit using had to be as big as your desire to live. So that desire is what pushes me each day but  yet the desire to use is still there, maybe not every day but it is still there right around the corner. Ready, waiting, tempting,calling,pushing, doing whatever it can to get me to get one more and that's when the desire can can turn unbearable, lighting my addiction on fire because it knows if it gets me to get one more there will be a thousand more at least. So what do I do? Well I know that each day I don't use I get stronger so I can use all the tools I have learned from that 12 step program I practice. One of those tools I've learned is to share. When I get that burning desire to use I can get my ass to a meeting and share that desire with another addict(s). Thank God for that program uh?

So desire is a funny little fucker who has many meanings. Desire can be a life saver or it can be a life ender. Be Strong.

#addictionrecovery

#livinglifealloveragain

#drugabuse

#superdave