The Last 23.5 Hours

From the first hour I walked out of inpatient, I knew life needed to and would make some major changes. I new that some days would be better than others. I knew that any day would be better than a day in active addiction. I knew that just because I put down the drug that I might pick up something besides a drug. I would replace that drug with maybe a fork, a credit card, sex, gambling you name it. I knew that seeing I had been completely emotionless that I would have to deal with feelings and emotions all over again like I was a newborn. I knew I had to be grateful for the things I took advantage of, like waking up. I knew I was empty spiritually and would have to be able to find and trust a higher power other than myself to help me through each day. I knew I had to bring new people into my life that have my best interest in mind. I new I needed to be a son, a brother,a friend that these people would be proud to have. I know all of these things and I must realize that I am not perfect and will make mistakes.I may let people down. I know I must be able to forgive and forget. I know I  must   let things go. I know I must help others because oh so many helped me. I know honesty must be part of my daily life. I know I must be open minded and take  suggestions. I must realize I don't know everything going on in other peoples lives. People may be having as just a bad or maybe even a worse day than I am having. I must also remember that some people may not make it home tonight. I must realize how lucky I am that even though I have this disease of addiction that I have been shown that it can be arrested. I also must remember that that could change in the matter of an instant. I need to be grateful.I need to know that if I have a bad day that its better than where I was. I need to remind myself of the tools I have been given oh so freely. I know that somewhere tonight someone is begging for a day of not being a slave to this disease. A day of not having their every thought their every breath be about one more.

Am I grateful? Hell yes. Did I use today? Hell no.Did today suck? More than you can imagine. So what is the solution? Use the tools I have been given. Let my Higher Power handle what I can't. Use the strengths I have built in the last 17 months. Get up tomorrow hold my breath for ten seconds. Why? Cause I can and I'm alive.