Let Me Take You Higher

I am sure this statement didn't shock you. At one time and I am talking about my using days I would have totally thought I was the Higher Power and that their was no one above me (sort of scary- uhh!). Was it ego - maybe? Was it fear? Another good possibility. Was it I was completely self centered ? This is what I would place my money on (Figure of speech - I swear I don't have a gambling addiction!!).
This just shows me how crazy thing got during my active addiction. I was brought up in a fairly god fearing catholic family ( I mean we didn't stand on the street corners with Jesus Saves signs or anything like that). Mom worked for the church for as long as I can remember. Dad was a lector,on the parish council and called bingo.My brother and sisters went to Catholic grammer school, High School and I believe my brother and sister went to a Catholic College. Now I didn't include myself for 2 reasons. I went to Catholic grammer school but I didn't graduate- that's right never got an eight grade diploma I got a certificate of attendance (Impressive right?). Summer school was a common thing for me. Then I went to a Catholic High School for a year or maybe two but then I was asked to leave (Why you ask? I plead the fifth lol?). Anyway I did graduate but it was from a public high school. Now college? That's a whole different story we'll save for a rainy day. Once I started playing on the road full time attending church weekly flew out the window and this was where my ego and self centered part of me began. Not that I measure everything by if we go to mass every Sunday it's just an easy way to explain things.

So many many years passed where the god of my understanding just didn't exist. I was the God of my understanding. I did not acknowledge the higher power in my life that has really been with me all along trying to guide me but I just wasn't having it. I am sure I was a 911 prayer when I got into trouble but no real relationship. After that fateful day I woke up in ICU,I started to realize what I had done but yet I still  wasn't completely convinced I stil had that ego that self centeredness. I still thout I was superman - undestructable. Not even kryptonite could stop me.
Boy was I wrong.When I realized what I had done to all the people around me and especially myself did I awaken to a harsh reality and realized I was literally killing myself. My life was completely unmanageable and I needed to reconnect with my higher power I needed my higher power and when I saw things start to change in my life for the better and my desire to get stronger I knew my higher power the God of my understanding was with me and guiding me to a better life. This was a very personal thing happening in my life as I was fighting for my life non stop 24 hours a day. I also realized after having all that religion in my life I had really taken what my parents had tried to teach and show me. I had taken advantage of .
So last year in mid July I decided to do the one thing I hadn't done in the 42 years of my life, read the bible. So I gave myself a goal I would read the entire bible in a year.
Now I'm happy to report I have stayed on it. I found some program that I could use where it showed me what to read each day so I could achieve that goal, in fact I even get a email each day. I was amazed to see and understand how these readings applied to my recovery. Now I am not gonna tell you it has been easy, some of the books are very hard but it gets easier to read as I go along.
So today am I perfect? Not by any stretch of the imagination but I am happier than I have ever been and I feel that relationship I have with my  higher power flourish every minute of everyday.