The Warning Signs of Relaspe

"You can never ever use successfully again", Just for Today", "If you go back out, You might not make it back" These are all sayings that I've heard throughout my recovery. These sayings are all well and good, but let's take a look at some of the Warning signs before the actual pick up.
Now I'm not a doctor, I'm not a psychologist, I'm not an expert of any kind. I have however done a lot of research and I am going on something I find helpful -previous experience.
Many people in long term recovery have relapsed but if you haven't it doesn't mean you have to. Remember what your mother used to say "If everybody jumped off a bridge it doesn't mean you have to".
Hopefully it means you have a strong program. Although the ugly head of addiction can reap its self at any time so once again between research and experience Here are some great warning signs you might be headed down relapse lane.

Self -Pity
Lots of it usually occurs. "Why me?' Or "No one cares"
Ego
"I got this" or "I'm better than them", Also putting yourself in dangerous situations like hanging with old using friends. Do this enough and it will wear you down.
Unrealistic Goal
"Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have". Don't set goals that you are not going to achieve anytime soon. This will lead to many of those feelings you want to avoid.
Impatience  People not doing what they should be or what you want them to. Things not happening at the pace you want them to.
Not using the tools of recovery- Meetings, Prayer, Social Networks, Meditation. This usually comes from boredom. You can't get bored with your program.
Lack of Gratitude
Forgetting where you came from and how much better things have become.
It Cant Happen to Me
If your disease is progressive like mine then you'll be in worse shape if you relapse.
Depression
Finding yourself being unaccountable or unreliable shows the need to get that crap out and talk about it.
Exhaustion
 Taking on to much at once like over working,trying to make up for lost time. This all brings up feelings that we don't want to have.
Recognizing these signs are so important and they usually happen long before the relapse happens so this way you can come up with a plan to get back on the right track.

Medical and Recovery

When i first got out into recovery, one of the first things i was told was that physical was a big thing when you come back from the war. They were right i had a grocery list of health problems and better health would help in my recovery.
I can say today 628 days later my grocery list is cut down to a convenient store list.

The  best thing i did though was I told my doctor  that i was in recovery. I asked him how he felt about that? I asked him if he had  ever treated an addict before. We decided after speaking a couple times that i should switch my primary care doctor. There were no hard feelings there was no yelling screaming  or any of those scenarios that we create in our heads. In fact after meeting with a specialist doctor i have had for many years he made a suggestion that i check out a doctor that he recommended.
I took that suggestion and i am so happy i did. My new primary doctor is the best. He stays on top of all of my health issues. He hooked me up with other specialist doctors who have recovering addicts  as patients.
Suddenly my health care has been a great experience. I don't dread going to my appointments anymore. As with my recovery, my health issues show progress. Add all this together i now care about my health. I want to get healthy.
Yes i have my issues with my health like smoking , losing weight etc etc and those i am getting to  i mean Rome wasn't built in a day.
So my advice to not only recovering addicts but anyone who feels like you progressing in your health, talk to your doctor or doctors. Communicate it might just be the best thing to help you get started.

The Rochester Recovery Film Festival

The Rochester Recovery Film Festival

Well it is happening The First Rochester Recovery Film Festival will be happening for 3 days in September of 2014.
Volunteers are needed.
Committees are being formed if anyone is interested in putting this event together a meeting will be held tomorrow if you are interested please contact me.Thanks

The Meaning of Life or is it A Life of Meaning?

What is the meaning of life? Wow what a question.A very deep question I guess. In days past I could have made a whole 3 days of drinking and partying ( any excuse-right?)trying to figure out the answer. Now with 19 months and a couple of days I approach this question and I'm pretty sure I won't go to those extremes. At least not today.
I think in a way, all of us are searching our whole lives for this answer. Some of us never get that answer. Some of us go to extreme measures to get it. Some study great philosophers and their writings and experiments. Some people live their lives like "great men from the past. Others feel taking drugs for that out of mind out of body experience that can allow you to look at life from the outside and find that meaning. For me that usually meant getting high more often and for longer periods of time. I think I called it Research (any excuse right?). Believe it or not I never found the answer. I'm sure at times I acted like I found the answer. I probably acted like I had the answer. Hell I might have even told you the answer. I also would have told you OJ was innocent

I for many many years thought the meaning of life was in music. You could find all the answers in certain songs. The music was and still is an important part of my life but its not the meaning of life. It was a tool to get through life and still is. Music will always be my first love and I'll always be music's bitch. But the meaning of life? Nah.
Some people try to connect the meaning of life with the most simplest things. For example many people believe the number 42 is the meaning of life.

Buzz Light year's space ship is named 42. Elvis

died at age 42. The album by Pink Flyod's Album "Dark Side of the Moon" is 42 minutes long.The album Thriller and Back in Black are also 42 minutes long.

There are 42 gallons in a barrel of oil. Wimbledon used 42,000 balls last year. A Big Mac has 42% of your daily intake of salt.

So what is the meaning of life? I think its whatever you want it to be. 

I Got Stuff

It has been a few days since I posted on here. Why? I don't know.
Every time I sat down and began to write, I put it away. I just didn't feel like it. Of course I had in my head "The world will collapse if I don't post" and "Everyone will be so disappointed in me". "Everyone counts on me". Seriously these are the thoughts that go through my head.Crazy!! So for the three people that actually might read this blog. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I can't guarantee that it won't happen again but truly I'm sorry I'll try.
OK so on to other things on my list.

 The Anonymous People
Wow it was great. It was the first time I had seen the film in its entirety And I was extremely impressed and I was pumped to be honest. The Little was in my opinion was the perfect place to hold this event. Lots of people seemed very impressed with the screening. The Little Theater staff was great and very helpful. The really cool thing I was happy about was I didn't know 80% of the people that attended. Why does that make me happy? Well it tells me that people are truly concerned about the addiction problem in our area and even people came from Geneva,NY which is about 45 minutes from Rochester. Of course I must thank all of you that came. Whether I knew you or not that was awesome. Some of my family and friends from childhood came and that was the best type of support you can get. I also received a lot of support from people that want to help with my next project. Which brings me to my next thing to talk about.
The Rochester Recovery Film Festival

This is another reason I haven't been posting nearly as much. I have been busy trying to get this project off the ground.Lots of hurdles to get over but I'm encouraged to keep going. No major road blocks. Many things in this community need to be done about the growing drug epidemic here in Rochester. Treatment and aftercare are basically a joke. The only hope I feel an addict has in this area I feel is the 12 step programs which are extremely successful and do a great job but much more needs to be done and I feel awareness is a start just making the general public aware of the problem, the services available for help with for not only the still suffering addict but the services for the families and loved ones that are also caught in this grip of addiction.
So seeing the success I feel we had with The Anonymous People (note This was done with absolutely no media support just little ole me doing Social Media)That I felt let's expand it. So this is where the idea for The Rochester Recovery Film Festival came to be.

Now I am modeling the festival after another widely successful recovery film festival that is held across the states in large metropolitan cities such as San Francisco, Houston, NYC, Los Angeles to name a few. This festival is called Reel Film Festival. Now even though I am modeling The Rochester Recovery Film Festival after it, it will have a personality of its own. I will now give you some temporary details on it but let ma stress the word temporary. I do hope to have a press release and conference next month. My hope is that the festival can be held the the weekend of September 26,27 of this year. The reason I would like to have this held in September is because it is National Recovery Month. The first problem I am having is it seems like every film festival and its brother is having its film festival here. So finding a location is first thing on my list ( any ideas email me). Other events are also going on in this area for National Recovery Month and I felt this would be a great way to end this month. The website I am hoping will be up in the next couple of weeks as I have been working tirelessly to get that launched. 

I have been also in touch with many film directors who have expressed great interest to have their films shown and be available for Q&A sessions after the showing. So a ton of work to be ton but I feel it can be done one task at a time. 

So that's my life lately and I am happy with the way things are moving but for right now I need to get back to work. Thanks and any questions email me I'll be here.