I Am No Expert But.............

So I did this interview today with a website I will be writing a monthly column beginning in June. Now one of the first questions was "How would you tell tell someone how to have a successful recovery?"
Now first off that question caught me off guard. Reason being I by no means am qualified to answer that question. I consider myself just a goofy guy who writes about his goofy life. I have no degree. I have no licence. All I can do is share my "experience, strength and hope".
So I started thinking what has made my recovery successful?

1. I Made My Recovery #1
I had to recover for myself and no one else. I had to keep telling myself I can't do this for my family, girlfriend, anybody. It may sound selfish but its the only way I felt I could successfully recover.

2.Communication
This was so vital for me. Communication is usually the reason things fail,My first marriage, some business ventures but most important I was a loner in my last couple years of active addiction. So picking up the phone, talking with the professionals I was working with and talking with other addicts who knew my story all to well but they were able to get through it and start to recover.

3.Just For Today
I hated these slogans of the the 12 Step program I now live. But Just for Today made so much sense. I couldn't dwell on the past. What was done was done. Yet I couldn't and I still don't look very far into the future. All I could do was stay clean today. Sometimes I could only concentrate on every 10 minutes but hey so far its worked.

4. People
If you have friends that may put your recovery in trouble, then its time to find some new friends. Friends that will have your best interest in mind. Friends that care about you.

5.Places
Now I'm not talking a geographical change by any means, but you can't be hanging out at the local drug house thinking you got a strong recovery program. If you do decide to pack up and leave town that doesn't always work either.Just remember you always take yourself with you. If you live in a neighborhood where the addiction is just outside your front door you can still recover just change your enviorment. Do those positive things that you have always wanted to do this will also stimulate your recovery. I love cultural events and they are happening all the time. Recovery is so much easier when positivity surrounds you.

6. Join a Support Group
Without the 12 step program and fellowship I have in my life I definitely would have never made it. The tools and help the program has given me you cannot put a price on. The value and wisdom has shaped the way I live my life today. I have seen this happen to many many lives even in such a short time.

7.Slow Down Take it Easy
The old saying we didn't become addicted in one day so easy does it. That saying I have learned to be so true. Recovery is not a destination it is a process. I made sure I tried not to overwhelm myself. The first 90 days for me was just about not using. All the other stuff would come with time. Rome wasn't built,made or conquered in a day and recovery won't happen overnight. Again its a process.

8.Volunteer
That's right give back. Your in recovery and what has been so freely given to you now not only can you give back to others in need but Service work in your support group or donating time at a local non profit can also pay great dividends to you AND your recovery. Not only will volunteering give you're self esteem a positive boost but it will give you that great feeling of accomplishment and pride.

9.Get Physical.
You have spent how long putting chemicals into your body? If that isn't enough to want to get you to start taking care of yourself what will? Eating right was another positive part of my recovery as it not only helped improve me physically but mentally.

10. Don't Give Up
Don't give in to the disease of addiction. It is not a battle you will win successfully. Use any desire you have as the motivation to have that new life you want so bad. Recovery is possible it happens everyday. You are not reinventing the wheel. You are giving yourself the life you deserve.

That Burning Desire

Anybody can quit drugs. People do it all the time.Everyday hundreds probably thousands of people quit doing drugs. Having that burning desire to quit is great but let me tell you a secret. Staying off drugs is where the success lies.
I found the first 6 months to be the toughest. It seemed that not only every day did I not only have that burning desire to use,but I used to have that burning desire every hour it seemed, sometimes every five minutes and believe me it sucked and if you've ever kicked the shit you know exactly what I'm talking about.
So I've mentioned two different desires. The burning desire to quit and The burning desire to use.
Now I actually didn't have the Burning Desire to quit in the beginning . I basically was OK with using.Sure I knew things were getting out of hand but hey I always got away or out of everything so I figured I got this no problem.

Well let me tell you where that wonderful thinking got me.

 OK I wasn't kidnapped by 7 dwarfs ( Although there was this one night in Mexico where I woke up with a donkey,2 midgets , a gorgeous little Latina and chocolate sprinkles all over my boxer shorts - don't ask) but it got me dead. Litterly I mean dead like the ticker stopped ticking. The heart stopped pounding. My savior was a nurse a 21 year old nurse actually. This nurse came in to do one of those medication wake ups at four in the morning and saw that I was, well to be blunt - dead. After going into a coma for a while and then 3 fun filled weeks  in the ICU I was able to have that burning desire to stop using. Scary uh?

Hell now did I not only have a burning desire to quit. I had a burning desire to live. So I told myself, self, your desire to quit using had to be as big as your desire to live. So that desire is what pushes me each day but  yet the desire to use is still there, maybe not every day but it is still there right around the corner. Ready, waiting, tempting,calling,pushing, doing whatever it can to get me to get one more and that's when the desire can can turn unbearable, lighting my addiction on fire because it knows if it gets me to get one more there will be a thousand more at least. So what do I do? Well I know that each day I don't use I get stronger so I can use all the tools I have learned from that 12 step program I practice. One of those tools I've learned is to share. When I get that burning desire to use I can get my ass to a meeting and share that desire with another addict(s). Thank God for that program uh?

So desire is a funny little fucker who has many meanings. Desire can be a life saver or it can be a life ender. Be Strong.

#addictionrecovery

#livinglifealloveragain

#drugabuse

#superdave

The Meaning of Life or is it A Life of Meaning?

What is the meaning of life? Wow what a question.A very deep question I guess. In days past I could have made a whole 3 days of drinking and partying ( any excuse-right?)trying to figure out the answer. Now with 19 months and a couple of days I approach this question and I'm pretty sure I won't go to those extremes. At least not today.
I think in a way, all of us are searching our whole lives for this answer. Some of us never get that answer. Some of us go to extreme measures to get it. Some study great philosophers and their writings and experiments. Some people live their lives like "great men from the past. Others feel taking drugs for that out of mind out of body experience that can allow you to look at life from the outside and find that meaning. For me that usually meant getting high more often and for longer periods of time. I think I called it Research (any excuse right?). Believe it or not I never found the answer. I'm sure at times I acted like I found the answer. I probably acted like I had the answer. Hell I might have even told you the answer. I also would have told you OJ was innocent

I for many many years thought the meaning of life was in music. You could find all the answers in certain songs. The music was and still is an important part of my life but its not the meaning of life. It was a tool to get through life and still is. Music will always be my first love and I'll always be music's bitch. But the meaning of life? Nah.
Some people try to connect the meaning of life with the most simplest things. For example many people believe the number 42 is the meaning of life.

Buzz Light year's space ship is named 42. Elvis

died at age 42. The album by Pink Flyod's Album "Dark Side of the Moon" is 42 minutes long.The album Thriller and Back in Black are also 42 minutes long.

There are 42 gallons in a barrel of oil. Wimbledon used 42,000 balls last year. A Big Mac has 42% of your daily intake of salt.

So what is the meaning of life? I think its whatever you want it to be. 

Marijuana -Mary Jane is Stepping Out

The Debate is a hot subject in our country right now. So many Pros and so many Cons. There are truths and there are Myths. It all comes down to an individuals opinion. Many people are lobbying for it and many people are lobbying against it. The subject is on a tilt a whirl right now and will we keep getting in line to jump on the ride or will we get sick and move on to the next ride. Is the subject about people's right to do what they want and have the freedom to lite up without the fear of getting caught or is it really about paying the bills because we have a love for excess. Will we be able to walk into 7-11 and buy a pack of joints or will we continue to meet our connection in our local Home Depot parking lot.
Marijuana is the third largest used drug in America. Alcohol takes 1st place honors while tobacco takes 2nd place.According to NORMAL ( A group working to reform Marijuana laws) 740,000 people were arrested last year for some type of Marijuana violation. 87% (over 658,000) were charged for possession only while the remaining 13% (91,000) were for sale/manufacturing charges. Those figures are higher then all the violent arrests made for murder,rape and robbery combined. The cost to taxpayers for all of those arrested is 10 billion dollars.
So if you are not one of the 25 million people who have tried Marijuana in the past year or one of the 14 million people who smoke it regularly than you may just be asking why? Why do people smoke marijuana?

 Well there are many many reasons but let's just go with a Top Ten list you probably won't see on Letterman any time soon.

Now these 10 reasons are not in any type of particular order but I love Letterman and have always wanted to do the top ten ( but then again these aren't funny)

10.Marijuana as Medicine

9.For the effect of the THC (the main ingredient in marijuana)

8.To release the anxiety,stress,fear,pain or anger related to personal,psychological or some family issue.

7.Popular culture endorse use

6. Low perception of harm

5.The opportunity of it presents itself

4.Peer, family or role model presents itself

3. Because they were born with or develop certain personality dimensions such as unconventionality, which make marijuana use non-taboo.

2.Curiosity

 1.To relax

Now there are many reasons besides the ones previously discussed that are added to why Marijuana should be legalized such as the government has no right to forbid a person to do there body harm and if they do laws should be in place to limit how much a person a person eats or laws should be in place prohibiting bungee jumping. I do not really agree with it and think we are maybe reaching pretty high (no pun intended) but none the less it is an opinion. I don't really know where I stand on this whole issue because of three things. 1. According to the National Geographic Channel or maybe Discovery Channel Yes drug crime and arrests have declined in Colorado but and a very big BUT gang violence has tripled. So I think we do need to remember We are taking away a huge amount of income from a very violent type of people and groups who are not going to sit back and watch. I'm not saying we need to replace there income but we should be prepared and ready for that reaction.

      2. We need sometimes to get back to basics or just not jump on the first good looking solution and I say this in the effect to here we are again doing what I call the casino solution. We saw what a few casinos did for the purses of local govt in the effect of taxes being paid and suddenly casinos are everywhere. Its by no means a Vegas or Atlantic City thing anymore. I do believe that casinos do great things pay taxes,create many temp and permanent jobs and they are good employers but do we need one on every street corner.Some casinos will not survive and what will the local governments and state governments do then. Major gaming companies are selling off properties now. So we need more research and education and maybe should watch Colorado for a bit. 

3. The Gateway Drug Theory. I know a lot of people say and think this is a bullshit theory and at one time I also believed that but for me, this addict it is true. I started out with alcohol and marijuana when I was younger and I eventually moved on to other drugs which I considered to be "Hard Drugs" and I also considered Marijuana to be a bullshit drug or a drug for wimps. When I first thought I just might have a drug problem I began the "Marijuana Maintenance Program" I had the wonderful idea of I'll just smoke pot and quit the other drugs. This idea at the time made total sense to me cheaper, not as bad as those other drugs plus everybody does it right? WRONG within a week all I accomplished was now I was doing two drugs and it was costing me even more. OK then I'll just drink right? WRONG now I'm doing three drugs (yes alcohol is a drug) and it costing me way too much money. Guess where I ended up Back to what I was doing before but even more because I needed to get that high from doing 3 drugs. It was a non winning situation I knew that. Did it stop me though? NO. 

So for this addict that has this disease no matter what I can't do any drug. Maybe you can smoke a joint here and there and it will never lead you to where it brought me but believe me if someone could have said you have this disease called addiction  I may have never picked up and you can't tell me its genetics cause it isn't with me. So do I Believe the Gateway Drug Theory? For me yes I do. I have to ask what about other people that have this disease that never let's you know until you try. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. So how many others could this be a gateway.

My opinion is something very simple and is the answer I know I have to many things before I jump into many things. Education. Teach the people. Research so more education can be taught. Is there an answer? I don't know but maybe with some more research and education a few lives might be saved or we continue to do what we always do as a society and get what we want when we want it now and learn our lessons as we always do "on the fly" at no matter what cost. Have a great day

Collateral Damage

Collateral Damage is damage to things that are incedental to the intended target. It is frequently used as a military term where it can be referred to the incedental destruction of civilian property or Non-combat casualties.
I have never been in the Military but I have been to war. That war was the war of my addiction and yes there was and has been collateral damage. Professionals call them codependents.
When the military plans a mission the collateral damage is figured in and I'm sure then debated is the mission's collateral damage "worth it" or not. Whether you agree with it or not it is a part of our lives and I am sure has been for centuries.
 As much as I hate to even think about my collateral damage I do feel in away that I do need to keep it fresh in my mind. Why because that is the worst feeling I get when I remember my collateral damage.
During my active addiction it was all about me and my need to get one more. I did not concern myself how others and usually that meant ones that I love and was  dependent upon would feel or the damage sometimes irreplaceable that I would inflict upon them. Now I can't go around blaming myself  for everything I did . I have a disease of addiction.
In my active addiction I didn't have a choice I needed to feed my addiction. A lot of the damage done was done to my myself and I realize that and can accept that today but the damage I did to others still weighs heavily on me but on the flip side serves as a huge motivator to stay in recovery.
So what in Gods name is my reasoning for writing this post?
Good question.  Let's face it though no one an addict or not no wants to think about it and sometimes I feel our mind tries to  file it way back in that file cabnet in our head. So that's why I have tried to in my recovery try to offer any assistance or help to people who have loved ones in active addiction. It does remind me of my collateral damage from my active addiction and even the collateral damage I may have now as I work on other character defects I have.Some of the damage I have caused may never be repaid because its either just not possible in this lifetime or it couldn't be settled without causing more damage to myself or others. So I keep myself clean and better and constantly strive for better.
Sometimes though it is necessary at least in my case to have that reminder and just offer those who may be going through pain and suffering with that loved one  just a "Hey I know what your going through" or just the fact that someone cares enough to listen and know they are being thought of. Sometimes you don't really have to know that person.
Which brings me to why I wrote this post. During my travels on the internet I came upon a woman, a mother,and maybe an overall saint. She writes a blog that deals with the trials of having a son who is in active addiction and when I say active I mean like right now. She is a single mom with two other young daughters caught in this mess. Her name is Susan and I have never met her or even talked with her. I have been basically lurking in the shadows of her blog reading every word she prints (sorry that sounded creepy).Today it actually wasn't even a post on her blog it was just a I need to get this off my chest status rant and when I read it. I could feel her frustration, her helplessness feeling and I sent her a comment. A very basic comment because really I did not know what to say because I know what those feeling are on both sides of the fence so all I said was "so true,every word of it. I hear you" because as much as we feel as humans to give adce or our opinion sometimes people just need to know they are not alone.Someone They just need to know someone anyone is there. The other thing is Susan is not even in this country she is actually across "the pond" in the United Kingdom. Here is a link to her blog
livingwithmydrugabusingteenager.blogspot.com

By the way 15 minutes after I left that comment I received a "thanks"  and that my friends made my day.

OVERDOSE-Its Just Not For Celebrities Anymore

John Belushi was I think the first celebrity overdose death I had ever heard of. Did it stop me? No or obviously I probably wouldn't be writing this blog.
If I sit back and think what celebrities have died of drug overdoses I can recall many- Chris Farley,River Phoniex, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, that kid from Glee, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Heath Ledger.
Now did you know 100 other non-celebrities die each day of drug overdoses. Do the math and that's a lot of fucking people and these people are just not what society has lead us to believe black,ghetto,welfare,low income. No drug abuse hits every society, every race,every income bracket,every religion,every sexualty,every,every nationality. The disease of addiction dose not discriminate.
So up comes the question is it good or does it help society when the press makes celebrities' death by overdose front page news?
Hmm good question my answer is No. Although I guess if it does stop one person from ever picking up or it helps one person quit their addiction then yes. What I do think it brings is exposure to the disease which maybe can be a good thing. What it does to I feel is maybe promote the cause. The media makes it sexy,thrilling,a whole exciting mystery. Media never shows how the disease took over a persons life. The things people had to do for just one more.

Media never shows what the families and loved ones go through. Even worse in today's society that I never see in the press or on your nightly news is Recovery.  What Recovery does for that "Junkie" or "Drug Addict". It doesn't show how Recovery turns people into productive members of society or the fact that recovery has made relationships with family,friends and loved ones stronger than they ever have been, The service and the "pay it forward" given back to communities they live in.

Why? Well my opinion is it's not thrilling in their eyes it's not sexy enough, it's not dramatic. We will always hear about the overdose or the death caused by an overdose with celebrities that unfortunately is the society we have made but maybe if we focused on recovery and what it  has done for individuals,families, communities maybe, just maybe that number of 100 people that die each day from overdose might just be a little bit lower.

A Hard Habit to Break (God I Hate That Song)

So last night I got this email from a reader of this blog (Which I love getting by the way) and they said "What is the difference between a Habit and an Addiction?" They also proceeded to say "I might smoke pot on the weekends as a habit but in no way shape or form am I addicted." Then they said "Or am I ?"
Well let's get one thing straight first. I am not an expert on anything. I hold no degrees on anything. I am a recovering addict. Now I can give you an opinion based on my experience.
So let's start.....
First what is a Habit ?
A habit is done by choice. A person can stop a habit successfully when they make a choice to do so. When a person decides to stop there is no pshycological or physical component involved and is not an issue.

OK so what is an Addiction?
Now there is a pshycological/physical component involved.The person can not control the aspects of the addiction because of the mental or physical component involved.
Now I know 100% that I can not use any mood altering substance whether liquid or not because I have that disease of addiction. Maybe alcohol isn't really my thing. In fact there was a time you could put a six pack of beer in my refrigerator and it could sit there for a year. Marijuana is not my drug of choice but I know if I have either one it will lead to my drug of choice. Maybe not the first time I do it but eventually it will. That is just my disease at work.
Does my addiction want me dead? I truly don't know if it does or not. But I do know this, it loves to torture me.

So now that we know the diiference between a habit and an addiction they still are related by the fact of a habit can very easily become an addiction.
I also must say not all addictions are just not drug or alcohol based. People can have various types of addictions.

Shopping,Sex,Gambling,Porn, Money Video Games, Love, Internet, exercise. I could go on and on.

All of these addictions can lead to all sorts of problems  like financial, work issues, relationship issues and even social issues.

Now don't forget Addiction also will bring on those things we call feelings

Guilt, Shame,Hopelessness, Rejection, Failure, Anxiety, Fear,Despair,embarrassment, Humiliation just to name a few.

So to wrap this all up,with a habit you can have control of your choices but it becomes an addiction when you don't have controlled of your choices. 

Never Leave Home Again

I'm not a big endorser usually unless somebody is paying me of course. But I found this really cool site and a lot of my friends are out of time and when I travel I sometimes can't find support.
OK let me explain things a little clearer I am a recovering addict who works a twelve step program. This weekend I am hanging with my sisters dog "Miley". Miley is awesome and I love to spend anytime I can with her.
Anyway I have been cruising around some web sites and I found this really cool site called In The Rooms. If you happen to be in recovery and you belong to any fellowships than this website is for you. First off its free and when I signed up or  I guess the proper wording would be registered. I was greeted just like I am when I go to any fellowship meeting here with lots of love people offering any help with getting around the site.Any questions I had were answered and I was able to get into tons of discussion threads about questions I had about the fellowship I am in. I am also able to share my experience, strength and hope with others.
But here is the really cool thing, they have meetings pretty much throughout the day and anybody can join. You don't need a webcam or a camera to attend.
I actually attended two meetings today and they were awesome. People were from all over and I mean all over and I really liked all the different views on things I heard. All the support and opportunities I found really made my night. So when I have that good of an experience I endorse.
www.intherooms.com

The Show Will Go On

Thank You to all of you who reserved you're tickets. We have reached the minimum number that we needed in order have the screening which is awesome. 50 tickets were reserved. We now have 105 tickets left. So those of you that didn't reserve your tickets I would suggest doing that now. I expect that since the tip was reached we will begin to get some print and TV promotion. Thanks once again
www.gathr.us/screening/7225

Recovery CD Vol1

Recently someone asked me if I had to come up with a Recovery CD what songs would I have on it?

After much thought and consideration the songs I would put on it would be as follows.

Any suggestions leave a comment and we can use them for Volume II

Amazing -Aerosmith

This is a great song musically and the song never really got the respect I think it should have. The song talks about hitting bottom then surrendering and finding the light in the darkness. It also seems to show how the person in found recovery and instead of dwelling on the choices he may have made in the past, he learns to move on.

We are all on Drugs Weezer

I love Weezer great musicians they take on lots of serious issues in a light sense. This song is basically

Saying if you do drugs and you think your cool guess what your not your an idiot.

Mr Brownstone Guns N Roses

This is what I loved about Guns N Roses they wrote songs about what they were living at the time so all their lyrics put a new meaning to real time. This song is out their heroin addiction and where it took them

I Stay Away- Alice in Chains

This song was written right after the lead singer had just got out from rehab. He stayed clean for awhile but eventually went back out.

Should be Higher-Depeche Mode

The song is about being out to dinner one night during his recovery and everybody is having wine and the thought of its only one glass but he knows it would be like opening Pandora's box but his mind keeps telling him he should be much higher. Sometimes the lies are more attractive than the truth.

Repentance-Dream Theater 

This song is about steps 8 & 9 in the AA steps

Kingmaker -Megadeath

This song is about the epidemic running through our nation of people taking pain killers and how people are just running from their problems.People are so desperate to have that out of body experience yet they don't realize that music can do that for you, love can do that for you.

One Day at a Time-Joe Walsh

 This song is about how Joe had a moment of clarity during his drinking and cocaine addiction and how he had to relearn everything but this time clean. The song goes on to show how life is so much better being clean.

Word on a Wing-David Bowie

This song was written by David as a prayer to free him of his cocaine addiction that had him so wrapped up David was experimenting with black magic. David has also said he can't even remember recording this album Station to Station

Under the Bridge Red Hot Chili Peppers

This song was almost never made and just stuck in the back of Anthony Kiedis' notebook. The song is about Kiedis' addiction to heroin and how during recovery he had to stay away from his closest friends who were still using. During those dark days he realized it was his city that had stayed with him during his addiction and during recovery. Anthony was very hesitant about bringing this song to the group. Good thing he did as this is the biggest and most success full song to date.

That Smell

(This is Part III to the following "The Cats Out of The Bag-Part1 and "Help I Need Somebody-Part 2" It is recommended by the author to read Part 1 followed by Part 2 and so on and so forth But really I never listen to anybody so do what you want)

After spending a few weeks in ICU, they finally discharged me and brought me over to inpatient or as some people refer them as Treatment Centers. 
Now not all treatment centers are the same. Like everything in this world it all comes down to the almighty dollar or how good your health insurance is. There are your very lavish treatment centers where you are provided with your own private room with view of the ocean or mountainside. 500 thread count sheet in your king size bed with maid service,meals cooked to your perfection and a spa where you can get massages everyday.
I didn't have any money and had no insurance. The social worker that I spoke of in the earlier post had made arrangements to get me some financial assistant while they worked on getting me onto some type of health insurance. The accommodations were probably what bothered me the most there was this smell that just irritated me. On a cleanliness factor between 1-10 I would have given it a 4 at the most. 
Other than that I found the way treatment centers operate are basically the same.
I had a rigid schedule that started with wake up at 7a.m. and didn't stop until 10 p.m. that night. For me the main thing was the treatment center was safe I didn't have to worry about people places and things. They took your cell phone so I didn't even need to worry about the phone ringing. It was where I could actually start to get a few days of being clean. There was drama believe me  you are going to have that when you have all different walks of life and they spend all day and night together. Unless the drama affected me directly then I stayed out of it. Being on a schedule even though I may have hated it was good for me just for the reason of not being on any type of schedule for so many years.
Some of the other reasons treatment was good, is part of the road to recovery is a physical part and there I was able to take my meds on the correct schedule and I was monitored by a doctor and a physicians assistant.

I was also able to begin individual therapy and begin group discussions. Seeing that I had been isolating myself for some time I found this to be good. I was also educated on triggers that might be cause for me to relapse.
Most important was the introduction to two long term recovery 12 step programs which I practice today.

Help I Think I Need Somebody

(This Post is a continued to the Post "When The Cats Out Of The Bag" It is recommended by the author to read that post first. Thanks for visiting my blog.)

So there I am just out of a coma for I don't how long. I am strapped down to the bed so I wouldn't  rip the tube out of my throat. They take  the tube out ( not very fun). I then begin to demand they take off the straps holding me down ( poor nurses).Then I find out I got another tube going in me and the ICU Doctor is shoving a blood test  in my face and my family showing all the substances I tested positive for( so much for Hippa laws).
Cats out of the Bag right? Yes it is and to have to lay there and have to look at my family. The hospital tells me they wanted me to speak with a social worker. I normally would have put up a fight about seeing a social worker. I know this because during my active using I was extremely judgemental I would have thought I was too good to talk to a social worker.
But I was tired too damn tired I did not want to play this game any more. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I couldn't hustle the hustler in me was tired.

So I agreed to see the social worker. Doing this was the best decision I ever made and I wish to god I could have been smart enough to get her name because she was one of the people who helped save my life.
The social worker made sure all of my medical needs were being taken care of but the one thing she did do was convince me to go into a treatment facility after I got out of ICU.
Next up Inpatient

Press Release for The Anonymous People (only 7 Days Left to Tip)

Contact:David Attridge
585-713-2592
585-957-5113
Daveup247@gmail.com
Livinlifealloveragain.blogspot.com
gathr.us/screening/7225


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Film The Anonymous People highlights addiction recovery of over 23 million Americans;
Patrick Kennedy, NBA Star Chris Herren, Actress Kristen Johnston featured

Rochester,New York April 6,2014 A FEATURE FILM about the 23.5 million Americans living in long-term recovery and the emerging public recovery movement will be shown at The Little Theater on April 6,2014  The film is brought to Rochester by a new crowd-sourcing distribution service called Gathr.  Gathr’s “theatrical-on-demand” process allows movie-goers to bring the movies they want to watch to their nearby local theater with no facility rental cost and no risk.

Special event screening tickets are available now by clicking here gathr.us/screening/7225  This link connects to the movie trailer: http://www.theanonymouspeople.com.

They, and the film, question why the United States has criminalized and too often given superficial treatment to a chronic illness – addiction.  As a result, addiction now comes with an annual price tag of $350 billion.  The American approach has put most of the burden of long-term addiction treatment on anonymous, free, 12-step programs. Those programs have done a good job, but no other health problem is treated this way.

In addition, the culture of anonymity in these programs, while it has protected individuals from stigma, has also unintentionally perpetuated false perceptions of people with addiction – as the public doesn’t see how often people in their lives recover.

“This film is not your tired old addiction story often seen on reality television or in the news,” said film producer Greg Williams. “There are no needles hanging out of people’s arms, pictures of the brain, or fried eggs in a pan.  We set out to find the answer to one very fundamental question: Why don’t we treat addiction in this country like any other health issue?”

The Anonymous People also shines a light on prominent people who are not very anonymous and are living publicly as people in long-term recovery themselves: Award winning actress Kristen Johnston, former NBA star Chris Herren; Tara Conner, Miss USA 2006; former congressman Patrick Kennedy; veteran news anchor Laurie Dhue; Tom Coderre, chief of staff to Rhode Island Senate president and many others.  They have chosen to “come out” with their recovery in an effort to counter the existing public perception of other people just like them.

This film aims at transforming public discourse in much the same way that activists once decided that an honest open discussion had to take place about topics such as breast cancer, HIV/AIDS, and being gay in order to spark widespread change.

The Anonymous People is produced and directed by Greg Williams; written by Aaron Cohen, Greg Williams, Jeff Reilly, and Bud Mikhitarian; executive produced by Paul McCulley; co-executive produced by John Silverman; photographed by Craig Mikhitarian; and edited by Jeff Reilly; with an original score by Brendan Berry.

Following The showing of "The Anonymous People ", A panel of local drug addiction professionals, Representative from local treatment centers and local residents who are a living a life of recovery will be hosting  a panel Q&A for movie attendees immediately following the film.

We Keep What We Have by Giving it Away

These are recovery paradoxes in the 12 step program I am in. I hear these all the time and believe me in the beginning, I hated these sayings I felt everybody that used them was crazy. It really bothered me. Its like the saying "It is What It is". God I hate that saying. To me that saying is just a cop out,really it doesn't have to be that way. If you don't like the way something the way it is then put some work into it and change it. Just because someone else copped out doesn't mean you have to and even if you don't get whatever it is you want to change.  Maybe if somebody sees you try to change it  then they will try and so on and so on  and eventually it will change, even if it helps someone else. Isn't it worth trying?
OK if your still with me I really commend you. Like seriously, I'm wiped out after reading that.So any way where the hell was I ? Oh yea,
"We keep what we have by giving it away" this one is my favorite paradox. I love giving what I have learned away to people that want it.I mean, what better feeling in the world is there? To possibly change someone's life or to help someone get past a hurdle that is holding them back from greatness or personal satisfaction in their life.
Everyone has potential in there life,(OK maybe not the guy in the GEICO commercial). Everyone has good in their life.
Now if you haven't read my post on Empathy now may be the time. I actually don't believe there is a greater reward and it only strengthens now what I have.
Wow this may be my shortest post ever but I'll admit I'm even a little bit confused . Have a blessed day.

11 Days to Tip....

To those of you that have reserved your tickets I thank you. To those of you that haven't I ask for you to consider doing so. We have 27 more tickets that need to be reserved in order to have this premiere . This documentary is awesome and and sheds light about the addict in recovery and attempts to kill the stigma of the"addict".
Once again the premier we are hoping to have is Sunday April 6,2014 at 3pm at The Little Theater,240 East Ave, Rochester,NY. The cost is $10.00 and the tickets can be reserved by clicking on the link at the end of this post.You can also watch a trailer of the movie the link at the bottom of this post. For those of you that can't make it please consider buying a ticket for a recovering addict you may know or an addict you may know that is stuck in the grips this disease  or someone you know affected by a lobed one in addiction. After the showing,  a panel of experts in recovery will be available for a q &a.
I have notified all media in the Rochester with press releases but they seem to have no interest in doing anything with addiction unless it is extremely negative. Everything is now being done via social media.I appreciate all your support.
gathr.us/screening/7225

The Last 23.5 Hours

From the first hour I walked out of inpatient, I knew life needed to and would make some major changes. I new that some days would be better than others. I knew that any day would be better than a day in active addiction. I knew that just because I put down the drug that I might pick up something besides a drug. I would replace that drug with maybe a fork, a credit card, sex, gambling you name it. I knew that seeing I had been completely emotionless that I would have to deal with feelings and emotions all over again like I was a newborn. I knew I had to be grateful for the things I took advantage of, like waking up. I knew I was empty spiritually and would have to be able to find and trust a higher power other than myself to help me through each day. I knew I had to bring new people into my life that have my best interest in mind. I new I needed to be a son, a brother,a friend that these people would be proud to have. I know all of these things and I must realize that I am not perfect and will make mistakes.I may let people down. I know I must be able to forgive and forget. I know I  must   let things go. I know I must help others because oh so many helped me. I know honesty must be part of my daily life. I know I must be open minded and take  suggestions. I must realize I don't know everything going on in other peoples lives. People may be having as just a bad or maybe even a worse day than I am having. I must also remember that some people may not make it home tonight. I must realize how lucky I am that even though I have this disease of addiction that I have been shown that it can be arrested. I also must remember that that could change in the matter of an instant. I need to be grateful.I need to know that if I have a bad day that its better than where I was. I need to remind myself of the tools I have been given oh so freely. I know that somewhere tonight someone is begging for a day of not being a slave to this disease. A day of not having their every thought their every breath be about one more.

Am I grateful? Hell yes. Did I use today? Hell no.Did today suck? More than you can imagine. So what is the solution? Use the tools I have been given. Let my Higher Power handle what I can't. Use the strengths I have built in the last 17 months. Get up tomorrow hold my breath for ten seconds. Why? Cause I can and I'm alive.

15 Days and Counting

gathr.us/screening/7225

For those of you that have reserved tickets for The Anonymous People on April 6,2014 at The Little Theater,240 East Ave in Rochester,NY at 3pm I thank you and for those of you that haven't I ask that you do so as soon as possible. We have approximately 15 days to sell 30 tickets in order to tip.Certain costs must be made in order to have the showing. We are trying to get as much press about this as possible but I need your help. Louise Slaughter's people tell me she is interested in attending but won't be able to guarantee until approx 2 weeks from now.
The panel for after the showing is coming along great.We have addicts from 12 step programs, veteran programs,treatment centers,addiction counslers and many more.
I am very excited as others also are about this great event.
But like I said we need your help. If we can't tip we can't have the showing .Thanking you in advance.
           Dave

Life After Wartime

I was talking to an addict who is right now in a treatment center trying to start his life over again.One of his questions was "Is recovery fun?, The only way I know how to have fun,was to get high"
Good question I thought and at one point I thought the same thing. In the beginning getting high was fun. I had some great times that was until my disease of addiction took over,at that point it no longer was fun it became my life, ruling every decision, every move I made.
 So I must tell myself if  I am thinking I only had fun when I was getting high, I immediately must tell myself that that is my disease talking. Sometimes I don't know if my disease wants me dead or if it just likes torturing me too much.
Anyway Is recovery fun?
Recovery is and always will be about getting my life back. Recovery allows me to enjoy those things I did before my disease of addiction.Again when I was in active addiction my whole life revolved around my drug and getting that first one and the one after that or as I call it "chasing that high".
Now that I am free today, recovery allows me the freedom to live my life the way it was meant to be lived and to find that meaning and peace I have so longed for.
Now in the beginning was it easy? Absolutely not, my disease was still in high gear. I had to change people, I had to change playgrounds, I had to change almost everything because remember for close to a decade all that mattered was getting one more.
Once that obsessive and that compulsion started to be lifted and I started to have some control and I didn't use "no matter what" I began to feel that I was beginning to experience my life for the very first time. When I felt this I took complete advantage of these feelings as they made me stronger.
Seeing I am in a 12 step program I began to meet new people who had my best interest in my mind and who did not use. Some of these relationships mean more to me than any relationships I have ever had and still are some of the strongest bonds I have today. I also must say the people I hang with today provide me with enough entertainment (Only kidding lol).
The process of one addict helping another addict is so important in this addicts life.
In the past 17 months and so many days, I have done so many things I have always wanted to do and my social calendar can be very busy some weeks. In fact I have found myself needing to make some "work on me time". I also have found myself spending more time than I ever have with my family which is evidence of some of the stronger bonds made because of my recovery.
Seeing entertainment is a huge chunk of my life I have attended more concerts, plays,and sporting events than I ever have.
In recovery I have been able to look at and approach things in life much differently than I ever have before and because of that my outlook, my experiences have all become so enriched and pleasurable. I wake up everyday with excitement to see what that day will bring me.
Appreciation is something that has been absent in my life for years maybe decades. Cultures,people,history,and all the the finer things in life are now things I am starting to experience. The one thing I notice the most today is my respect for people and all the different events that happen in my life today.
 Life is not perfect. Life still brings many challenges but I am learning how to face these challenges with out using any chemicals as the answer or as a way to run from those issues. I also find that I am open to taking suggestions instead of thinking I always have the right answer.
So is recovery fun? The answer is Hell Yes and when some days aren't as good as others I look at as it is a hell of a lot better than the life I was living just 18 months ago.

If Plan A fails.......

Well here it is my new blog.Now I need to start off by saying I am not writing this blog for you or to gain attention or to impress a single person. I am writing this for myself. Why you may ask? Well it's none of your business actually but if you want to know where I am in life well then you might read this every now and then. If you have an opinion go ahead post one.
OK so where do I start well I am obviously good looking and a funny guy. I grew up with a great family awesome father who passed away seven years ago and their isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him or think what would dad tell me to do? I have a beautiful mother who I am with every day and probably drives me crazy as much as I do her but she is not only my mother she is my best friend and has stuck by me no matter what I may be going through good and bad.I also have 2 sisters and 1 brother who i love dearly and I really appreciate all the family thing. So anyway the title and the picture on this post obviously tell you that plan A failed, well sort of plan A actually worked for about 30 years (well at least I thought so) let's see a little background I suppose is in order (the short version) I was a full time entertainer for many many years which I loved more than anything,did well with it, traveled a lot, met and worked with some great people,performers and dare I say fans.Let's see got married, got divorced,made a lot of money,lost a lot of money,made a lot of friends,lost a lot of friends,made a lot of connections, burned a lot of bridges, drank a lot of alcohol, drank a ton of alcohol, smoked a little weed, did a shitload of drugs. Are you getting the picture? Plan A came to a screeching halt on September 17,2012 - that was the last time I put any chemical in body not by my choice either it was actually my hearts choice which decided to stop working ,no not a heart attack what they call in the medical profession chronic heart failure or better known as CHF .So now you probably understand why it wasn't my choice it actually wasn't my choice untill I came out of a coma 4 or 5 days later ( I can't remember I was asleep) which I couldn't even say I swear I'll never do a drug ever again because I had this tube down my throat and I was strapped to the bed. Now after the tube was taken out  and I was unstrapped and I saw my whole family standing over me and a doctor with my toxicology report and a social worker asking me if I wanted to go into rehab that's when I said never again would I put a chemical into my body again you see today I'm not a rock star I'm not an entertainer, I'm not a husband, I'm not even probably a good friend today I'm a person in long term recovery actually the hell with long term I'm in life long recovery and yes I work and live a twelve step program. Say what you want about 12 step programs all I can tell you is that 12 step program has saved my life. So what have I been doing since that night on September 17, 2012 well I can say it in one word Recovering yup physically I've had to get better past two years I've ended up with a smorgous Borg of health issues from not only the abuse I put my body through but I also was in a major accident where I was hit from behind at a full stop and then tossed into the oncoming lane where I was hit head on ( and for those of you wondering no -no alcohol or drugs were involved at all.) I've had some legal issues to deal with, surgery, and of course I have had to change people,places and things. So now its time to start Plan B.
What is Plan B you ask? I don't know, for right now its taking each day and making it to tomorrow.