Self Mastery- Part One

OK before I entered long term recovery I will admit I had no idea what self mastery was. I thought it was some strange masturbation act like maybe the thing that the lead singer of Inxs died from. I don't know I can't be responsible for my thoughts in active addiction.
Once I got into recovery I found myself really trying to get in touch with myself ( No Pun intended - OK I couldn't resist) and really get to know me. The real me.Self Mastery basically holds the key to the quality of life.
Mainly, to foster an evolution of a powerful belief system. When a far reaching belief system is established and used daily in your life,you will follow the way and reach the destiny of that belief system.
You can have and get whatever you want in life and create your own destiny by just understanding and living that system to influence whatever you say, do, or think.
Most people know what they should be doing in life. Few people actually follow through with it, even though they know what is required to do that. Why you ask?
Well let's talk about those nasty things we sometimes love and sometimes hate - Feelings
If you change how you feel in any situation, that will ultimately alter how you act. Are you still with me?
Basically by having self mastery over your feelings and creating the correct feeling you should really have, you are on your way to controlling your reactions.
Now in the image above they talk about the Physical state. Physical state is very important. Now I'm not talking about having abs of steel or tight buns. What I am saying is if you control your health, all that is going to do is create energy and enthusiasm in all aspects of your life.
Now many many aspects of your life fall in the category of relationships both personal and professional. Now if you can share some of your accomplishments and successes with those you have relationships with. You will feel that sense of accomplishment and contribution in your own life be magnified.
Well I will continue my thoughts on self mastery in the next post. That right there is enough to digest but easy enough to begin trying out and see some results. Just remember that its the beginning key to quality of life.

The Meaning of Life or is it A Life of Meaning?

What is the meaning of life? Wow what a question.A very deep question I guess. In days past I could have made a whole 3 days of drinking and partying ( any excuse-right?)trying to figure out the answer. Now with 19 months and a couple of days I approach this question and I'm pretty sure I won't go to those extremes. At least not today.
I think in a way, all of us are searching our whole lives for this answer. Some of us never get that answer. Some of us go to extreme measures to get it. Some study great philosophers and their writings and experiments. Some people live their lives like "great men from the past. Others feel taking drugs for that out of mind out of body experience that can allow you to look at life from the outside and find that meaning. For me that usually meant getting high more often and for longer periods of time. I think I called it Research (any excuse right?). Believe it or not I never found the answer. I'm sure at times I acted like I found the answer. I probably acted like I had the answer. Hell I might have even told you the answer. I also would have told you OJ was innocent

I for many many years thought the meaning of life was in music. You could find all the answers in certain songs. The music was and still is an important part of my life but its not the meaning of life. It was a tool to get through life and still is. Music will always be my first love and I'll always be music's bitch. But the meaning of life? Nah.
Some people try to connect the meaning of life with the most simplest things. For example many people believe the number 42 is the meaning of life.

Buzz Light year's space ship is named 42. Elvis

died at age 42. The album by Pink Flyod's Album "Dark Side of the Moon" is 42 minutes long.The album Thriller and Back in Black are also 42 minutes long.

There are 42 gallons in a barrel of oil. Wimbledon used 42,000 balls last year. A Big Mac has 42% of your daily intake of salt.

So what is the meaning of life? I think its whatever you want it to be. 

OVERDOSE-Its Just Not For Celebrities Anymore

John Belushi was I think the first celebrity overdose death I had ever heard of. Did it stop me? No or obviously I probably wouldn't be writing this blog.
If I sit back and think what celebrities have died of drug overdoses I can recall many- Chris Farley,River Phoniex, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, that kid from Glee, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Heath Ledger.
Now did you know 100 other non-celebrities die each day of drug overdoses. Do the math and that's a lot of fucking people and these people are just not what society has lead us to believe black,ghetto,welfare,low income. No drug abuse hits every society, every race,every income bracket,every religion,every sexualty,every,every nationality. The disease of addiction dose not discriminate.
So up comes the question is it good or does it help society when the press makes celebrities' death by overdose front page news?
Hmm good question my answer is No. Although I guess if it does stop one person from ever picking up or it helps one person quit their addiction then yes. What I do think it brings is exposure to the disease which maybe can be a good thing. What it does to I feel is maybe promote the cause. The media makes it sexy,thrilling,a whole exciting mystery. Media never shows how the disease took over a persons life. The things people had to do for just one more.

Media never shows what the families and loved ones go through. Even worse in today's society that I never see in the press or on your nightly news is Recovery.  What Recovery does for that "Junkie" or "Drug Addict". It doesn't show how Recovery turns people into productive members of society or the fact that recovery has made relationships with family,friends and loved ones stronger than they ever have been, The service and the "pay it forward" given back to communities they live in.

Why? Well my opinion is it's not thrilling in their eyes it's not sexy enough, it's not dramatic. We will always hear about the overdose or the death caused by an overdose with celebrities that unfortunately is the society we have made but maybe if we focused on recovery and what it  has done for individuals,families, communities maybe, just maybe that number of 100 people that die each day from overdose might just be a little bit lower.

That Smell

(This is Part III to the following "The Cats Out of The Bag-Part1 and "Help I Need Somebody-Part 2" It is recommended by the author to read Part 1 followed by Part 2 and so on and so forth But really I never listen to anybody so do what you want)

After spending a few weeks in ICU, they finally discharged me and brought me over to inpatient or as some people refer them as Treatment Centers. 
Now not all treatment centers are the same. Like everything in this world it all comes down to the almighty dollar or how good your health insurance is. There are your very lavish treatment centers where you are provided with your own private room with view of the ocean or mountainside. 500 thread count sheet in your king size bed with maid service,meals cooked to your perfection and a spa where you can get massages everyday.
I didn't have any money and had no insurance. The social worker that I spoke of in the earlier post had made arrangements to get me some financial assistant while they worked on getting me onto some type of health insurance. The accommodations were probably what bothered me the most there was this smell that just irritated me. On a cleanliness factor between 1-10 I would have given it a 4 at the most. 
Other than that I found the way treatment centers operate are basically the same.
I had a rigid schedule that started with wake up at 7a.m. and didn't stop until 10 p.m. that night. For me the main thing was the treatment center was safe I didn't have to worry about people places and things. They took your cell phone so I didn't even need to worry about the phone ringing. It was where I could actually start to get a few days of being clean. There was drama believe me  you are going to have that when you have all different walks of life and they spend all day and night together. Unless the drama affected me directly then I stayed out of it. Being on a schedule even though I may have hated it was good for me just for the reason of not being on any type of schedule for so many years.
Some of the other reasons treatment was good, is part of the road to recovery is a physical part and there I was able to take my meds on the correct schedule and I was monitored by a doctor and a physicians assistant.

I was also able to begin individual therapy and begin group discussions. Seeing that I had been isolating myself for some time I found this to be good. I was also educated on triggers that might be cause for me to relapse.
Most important was the introduction to two long term recovery 12 step programs which I practice today.

If Plan A fails.......

Well here it is my new blog.Now I need to start off by saying I am not writing this blog for you or to gain attention or to impress a single person. I am writing this for myself. Why you may ask? Well it's none of your business actually but if you want to know where I am in life well then you might read this every now and then. If you have an opinion go ahead post one.
OK so where do I start well I am obviously good looking and a funny guy. I grew up with a great family awesome father who passed away seven years ago and their isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him or think what would dad tell me to do? I have a beautiful mother who I am with every day and probably drives me crazy as much as I do her but she is not only my mother she is my best friend and has stuck by me no matter what I may be going through good and bad.I also have 2 sisters and 1 brother who i love dearly and I really appreciate all the family thing. So anyway the title and the picture on this post obviously tell you that plan A failed, well sort of plan A actually worked for about 30 years (well at least I thought so) let's see a little background I suppose is in order (the short version) I was a full time entertainer for many many years which I loved more than anything,did well with it, traveled a lot, met and worked with some great people,performers and dare I say fans.Let's see got married, got divorced,made a lot of money,lost a lot of money,made a lot of friends,lost a lot of friends,made a lot of connections, burned a lot of bridges, drank a lot of alcohol, drank a ton of alcohol, smoked a little weed, did a shitload of drugs. Are you getting the picture? Plan A came to a screeching halt on September 17,2012 - that was the last time I put any chemical in body not by my choice either it was actually my hearts choice which decided to stop working ,no not a heart attack what they call in the medical profession chronic heart failure or better known as CHF .So now you probably understand why it wasn't my choice it actually wasn't my choice untill I came out of a coma 4 or 5 days later ( I can't remember I was asleep) which I couldn't even say I swear I'll never do a drug ever again because I had this tube down my throat and I was strapped to the bed. Now after the tube was taken out  and I was unstrapped and I saw my whole family standing over me and a doctor with my toxicology report and a social worker asking me if I wanted to go into rehab that's when I said never again would I put a chemical into my body again you see today I'm not a rock star I'm not an entertainer, I'm not a husband, I'm not even probably a good friend today I'm a person in long term recovery actually the hell with long term I'm in life long recovery and yes I work and live a twelve step program. Say what you want about 12 step programs all I can tell you is that 12 step program has saved my life. So what have I been doing since that night on September 17, 2012 well I can say it in one word Recovering yup physically I've had to get better past two years I've ended up with a smorgous Borg of health issues from not only the abuse I put my body through but I also was in a major accident where I was hit from behind at a full stop and then tossed into the oncoming lane where I was hit head on ( and for those of you wondering no -no alcohol or drugs were involved at all.) I've had some legal issues to deal with, surgery, and of course I have had to change people,places and things. So now its time to start Plan B.
What is Plan B you ask? I don't know, for right now its taking each day and making it to tomorrow.