I Am No Expert But.............

So I did this interview today with a website I will be writing a monthly column beginning in June. Now one of the first questions was "How would you tell tell someone how to have a successful recovery?"
Now first off that question caught me off guard. Reason being I by no means am qualified to answer that question. I consider myself just a goofy guy who writes about his goofy life. I have no degree. I have no licence. All I can do is share my "experience, strength and hope".
So I started thinking what has made my recovery successful?

1. I Made My Recovery #1
I had to recover for myself and no one else. I had to keep telling myself I can't do this for my family, girlfriend, anybody. It may sound selfish but its the only way I felt I could successfully recover.

2.Communication
This was so vital for me. Communication is usually the reason things fail,My first marriage, some business ventures but most important I was a loner in my last couple years of active addiction. So picking up the phone, talking with the professionals I was working with and talking with other addicts who knew my story all to well but they were able to get through it and start to recover.

3.Just For Today
I hated these slogans of the the 12 Step program I now live. But Just for Today made so much sense. I couldn't dwell on the past. What was done was done. Yet I couldn't and I still don't look very far into the future. All I could do was stay clean today. Sometimes I could only concentrate on every 10 minutes but hey so far its worked.

4. People
If you have friends that may put your recovery in trouble, then its time to find some new friends. Friends that will have your best interest in mind. Friends that care about you.

5.Places
Now I'm not talking a geographical change by any means, but you can't be hanging out at the local drug house thinking you got a strong recovery program. If you do decide to pack up and leave town that doesn't always work either.Just remember you always take yourself with you. If you live in a neighborhood where the addiction is just outside your front door you can still recover just change your enviorment. Do those positive things that you have always wanted to do this will also stimulate your recovery. I love cultural events and they are happening all the time. Recovery is so much easier when positivity surrounds you.

6. Join a Support Group
Without the 12 step program and fellowship I have in my life I definitely would have never made it. The tools and help the program has given me you cannot put a price on. The value and wisdom has shaped the way I live my life today. I have seen this happen to many many lives even in such a short time.

7.Slow Down Take it Easy
The old saying we didn't become addicted in one day so easy does it. That saying I have learned to be so true. Recovery is not a destination it is a process. I made sure I tried not to overwhelm myself. The first 90 days for me was just about not using. All the other stuff would come with time. Rome wasn't built,made or conquered in a day and recovery won't happen overnight. Again its a process.

8.Volunteer
That's right give back. Your in recovery and what has been so freely given to you now not only can you give back to others in need but Service work in your support group or donating time at a local non profit can also pay great dividends to you AND your recovery. Not only will volunteering give you're self esteem a positive boost but it will give you that great feeling of accomplishment and pride.

9.Get Physical.
You have spent how long putting chemicals into your body? If that isn't enough to want to get you to start taking care of yourself what will? Eating right was another positive part of my recovery as it not only helped improve me physically but mentally.

10. Don't Give Up
Don't give in to the disease of addiction. It is not a battle you will win successfully. Use any desire you have as the motivation to have that new life you want so bad. Recovery is possible it happens everyday. You are not reinventing the wheel. You are giving yourself the life you deserve.

I Get By With A Little Help From my Friends

I was never a huge Beatles fan growing up. Not really sure why, but I've grown to appreciate them and what they did. I actually have really grown a huge amount of respect for Paul McCartney and how he changes the face of music everyday.
OK  now don't get all excited about the fact that I changed the one word in the title of the song. I get high with a little help from my friends has been always a favorite song of mine to listen to and perform.
Today's post is about Friends and this post is totally off the cuff no research, no rewrites, no politically correct bullshit just straight from the heart and soul.

Friends have been a huge part of my life. I'm talkin those close can't get through today without them friends. Sure you have those friends that you can see every once in while and those one good night or time memories makes you smile. Those friends you maybe did something you shouldn't have with. We have our high school and college friends that we had to talk to everyday but haven't spoken to since the day we graduated. We have those friends that we celebrated certain milestones in our life that we'll never forget but yet never make a point to call or see. Then we have those friends we partied with or those friends that could always hook you up with whatever that may be.

But I'm not talk in about those "friends".

Now if you have ever been to hell (I have) or lived a part of your life in addiction ( I have) and then a life of recovery ( I am) many things in life can and will take on new meaning. Friends are one of those things and if not the most important Friends are very high on that list for me. Growing up or childhood friends are at least for me something that have a very special part of my soul and my heart. I have one childhood friend that fits that part. Growing up we are innocent, we are kids discovering life as we know it. We are finding what we like, what we don't. We are opening our eyes to all that life has to offer. We are starting to shape the mold of the rest of our lives. I am lucky and blessed enough to have one of those friends. We talked on the phone multiple times a day. We spent every waking hour with each other. We laughed all day everyday. When a problem happened in our young lives no matter how small or how goofy those problems may seem now we did everything we could to help solve it. When they felt pain I felt pain. When I cried they cried. When they prospered I prospered. Life has gone on and things have changed. We moved, we got married, we started families, we got jobs. Even though technology has made communication easier than ever we don't talk everyday,every week or even every month but guess what that don't matter because when we do run into each other and sometimes these days its for funerals. That same childhood feeling that growing up feeling all comes back and reminds you of all those memories and lessons we learned growing up. That mold we were so busy shaping now begins to have life again and becomes stronger because you get that feeling in your soul again that tells you that they are still there for you and it tells you that you're there for them. That they still care about you like they did everyday growing up as you do them. That childhood friend of mine knows who they are and that to me is the main ingredient in having close friends throughout your life.

I've made other close friends throughout my life that have made huge impacts on my life also but I'm gonna skip a little ahead like into my years of addiction. I can think of two people that have been through it all with me. These two people stood by me no matter what they never gave up on me. They were always just a phone call away. They tried to protect me and when they saw that there was no protecting me because I was so self destructive to myself they were just a step away. When I was the most selfish unethical asshole, they shrugged it off. When I came crawling for help numerous and multiple times they were there. They tried to pick me up many times. They offered everything they had why cause we had that bond, that tie, that gorilla glue that couldn't be beat. Wow how freakin lucky can a guy be? Seriously?

So now I can skip ahead to today. Today is a new day for me a new time for me. Being in recovery shines a new light on me and dusts some of that dust off of me so I can remember that void I had placed in my soul. Maybe its because many of my new close friends have been through the same thing I have been. Most of my new friends are people I have met through recovery and if that was the only thing I ever got out of recovery I'm more than satisfied. I have met and become friends now that are exactly like my childhood friend and those two friends I spoke of who were crazy enough to stick by me. My friends today have set my soul on fire have reestablished faith in my life today. These friends are as important as the air I breathe and as valuable as all the gold I could carry. The appreciation I have for All of my friends I have today and those whom I have described from past are the reason I get up everyday.The reason I fight. The reason? I have hope. So to all of you and you know who you are.

Thank You

Time Can Change Me But I Can't Change Time

I knew I just knew this day would come. It actually came last Friday when I was at this meeting. I've been waiting for it. You would think maybe just maybe I would be happy about it, maybe even ecstatic. I'm not. Why?  Not sure to be honest. I mean this is what I did my whole life until about nine years ago. This is what I loved to do. This is what I lived for this was my breath, my soul, my mojo right?
So what's the problem? I don't know and believe me its got me pissed off.
OK if your still with me thanks but I can't promise it will get much better at all. So you have an idea of what I am talking about I'll have to turn back the hands of time.

OK I was an entertainer, musician, singer what ever you want to call it for a huge chunk of my life about 17 years and damn I was good. I had to go through many many obstacles but that didn't mean shit to me I had one goal and that was it. I accomplished a lot of my goal to do my art full time and I accomplished that for many years. I've done things and been to places people will never have the chance to experience. I've hung with the best and have been treated the way people only could wish for and as much as that may sound egotistical I can promise you this I never ever took a minute of it for granted.
Well about 7,8 or 9 years ago I can't really remember right now I said fuck it I don't want to do this anymore. I've had enough. Why did I say that? Not really sure, maybe the drugs became more important. There was also a ton and I mean a ton of other shit going on in my life which I am not going to get into so I think it may have been a combination of everything. Anyway that was it. Yeah I burned a lot of bridges at the end and its something I've tried to repair. Some people may never get past that and even though that sucks I accept that. I will also say I helped many many peoples lives and career. I put many people's wants ahead of my own and my first wife. We sacraficed a lot and that was my own fault there were many things I should have done differently but I can't foucus on those things because those instances are out of my control there is nothing I can do about the past except for make the future better right? So like I said I've tried to make amends where I could and some people can't accept that and I understand that again and if your one of those people reading this hey I love ya and when your ready I'm here.

So since the day I said "fuck it" I've regretted it everyday since but yet everyday since I haven't been able to say " OK let's do it". I have been getting stronger everyday though and Friday after having a brief conversation with someone I had just met and even though it has been my mind rather seriously the past couple of weeks this conversation ignited a spark within me probably because he told me he was going through something and guess what. Well what he told me was exactly what I have been going through. Obviously it was awesome just to know someone was going thru the same thing. That spark was still flickering in me throughout the weekend but today I felt like I took a step backwards and it pissed me off. Im not giving up though I'll make it happen somehow someday.CH CH CH CH Changes

Collateral Damage

Collateral Damage is damage to things that are incedental to the intended target. It is frequently used as a military term where it can be referred to the incedental destruction of civilian property or Non-combat casualties.
I have never been in the Military but I have been to war. That war was the war of my addiction and yes there was and has been collateral damage. Professionals call them codependents.
When the military plans a mission the collateral damage is figured in and I'm sure then debated is the mission's collateral damage "worth it" or not. Whether you agree with it or not it is a part of our lives and I am sure has been for centuries.
 As much as I hate to even think about my collateral damage I do feel in away that I do need to keep it fresh in my mind. Why because that is the worst feeling I get when I remember my collateral damage.
During my active addiction it was all about me and my need to get one more. I did not concern myself how others and usually that meant ones that I love and was  dependent upon would feel or the damage sometimes irreplaceable that I would inflict upon them. Now I can't go around blaming myself  for everything I did . I have a disease of addiction.
In my active addiction I didn't have a choice I needed to feed my addiction. A lot of the damage done was done to my myself and I realize that and can accept that today but the damage I did to others still weighs heavily on me but on the flip side serves as a huge motivator to stay in recovery.
So what in Gods name is my reasoning for writing this post?
Good question.  Let's face it though no one an addict or not no wants to think about it and sometimes I feel our mind tries to  file it way back in that file cabnet in our head. So that's why I have tried to in my recovery try to offer any assistance or help to people who have loved ones in active addiction. It does remind me of my collateral damage from my active addiction and even the collateral damage I may have now as I work on other character defects I have.Some of the damage I have caused may never be repaid because its either just not possible in this lifetime or it couldn't be settled without causing more damage to myself or others. So I keep myself clean and better and constantly strive for better.
Sometimes though it is necessary at least in my case to have that reminder and just offer those who may be going through pain and suffering with that loved one  just a "Hey I know what your going through" or just the fact that someone cares enough to listen and know they are being thought of. Sometimes you don't really have to know that person.
Which brings me to why I wrote this post. During my travels on the internet I came upon a woman, a mother,and maybe an overall saint. She writes a blog that deals with the trials of having a son who is in active addiction and when I say active I mean like right now. She is a single mom with two other young daughters caught in this mess. Her name is Susan and I have never met her or even talked with her. I have been basically lurking in the shadows of her blog reading every word she prints (sorry that sounded creepy).Today it actually wasn't even a post on her blog it was just a I need to get this off my chest status rant and when I read it. I could feel her frustration, her helplessness feeling and I sent her a comment. A very basic comment because really I did not know what to say because I know what those feeling are on both sides of the fence so all I said was "so true,every word of it. I hear you" because as much as we feel as humans to give adce or our opinion sometimes people just need to know they are not alone.Someone They just need to know someone anyone is there. The other thing is Susan is not even in this country she is actually across "the pond" in the United Kingdom. Here is a link to her blog
livingwithmydrugabusingteenager.blogspot.com

By the way 15 minutes after I left that comment I received a "thanks"  and that my friends made my day.

Recovery CD Vol1

Recently someone asked me if I had to come up with a Recovery CD what songs would I have on it?

After much thought and consideration the songs I would put on it would be as follows.

Any suggestions leave a comment and we can use them for Volume II

Amazing -Aerosmith

This is a great song musically and the song never really got the respect I think it should have. The song talks about hitting bottom then surrendering and finding the light in the darkness. It also seems to show how the person in found recovery and instead of dwelling on the choices he may have made in the past, he learns to move on.

We are all on Drugs Weezer

I love Weezer great musicians they take on lots of serious issues in a light sense. This song is basically

Saying if you do drugs and you think your cool guess what your not your an idiot.

Mr Brownstone Guns N Roses

This is what I loved about Guns N Roses they wrote songs about what they were living at the time so all their lyrics put a new meaning to real time. This song is out their heroin addiction and where it took them

I Stay Away- Alice in Chains

This song was written right after the lead singer had just got out from rehab. He stayed clean for awhile but eventually went back out.

Should be Higher-Depeche Mode

The song is about being out to dinner one night during his recovery and everybody is having wine and the thought of its only one glass but he knows it would be like opening Pandora's box but his mind keeps telling him he should be much higher. Sometimes the lies are more attractive than the truth.

Repentance-Dream Theater 

This song is about steps 8 & 9 in the AA steps

Kingmaker -Megadeath

This song is about the epidemic running through our nation of people taking pain killers and how people are just running from their problems.People are so desperate to have that out of body experience yet they don't realize that music can do that for you, love can do that for you.

One Day at a Time-Joe Walsh

 This song is about how Joe had a moment of clarity during his drinking and cocaine addiction and how he had to relearn everything but this time clean. The song goes on to show how life is so much better being clean.

Word on a Wing-David Bowie

This song was written by David as a prayer to free him of his cocaine addiction that had him so wrapped up David was experimenting with black magic. David has also said he can't even remember recording this album Station to Station

Under the Bridge Red Hot Chili Peppers

This song was almost never made and just stuck in the back of Anthony Kiedis' notebook. The song is about Kiedis' addiction to heroin and how during recovery he had to stay away from his closest friends who were still using. During those dark days he realized it was his city that had stayed with him during his addiction and during recovery. Anthony was very hesitant about bringing this song to the group. Good thing he did as this is the biggest and most success full song to date.

That Smell

(This is Part III to the following "The Cats Out of The Bag-Part1 and "Help I Need Somebody-Part 2" It is recommended by the author to read Part 1 followed by Part 2 and so on and so forth But really I never listen to anybody so do what you want)

After spending a few weeks in ICU, they finally discharged me and brought me over to inpatient or as some people refer them as Treatment Centers. 
Now not all treatment centers are the same. Like everything in this world it all comes down to the almighty dollar or how good your health insurance is. There are your very lavish treatment centers where you are provided with your own private room with view of the ocean or mountainside. 500 thread count sheet in your king size bed with maid service,meals cooked to your perfection and a spa where you can get massages everyday.
I didn't have any money and had no insurance. The social worker that I spoke of in the earlier post had made arrangements to get me some financial assistant while they worked on getting me onto some type of health insurance. The accommodations were probably what bothered me the most there was this smell that just irritated me. On a cleanliness factor between 1-10 I would have given it a 4 at the most. 
Other than that I found the way treatment centers operate are basically the same.
I had a rigid schedule that started with wake up at 7a.m. and didn't stop until 10 p.m. that night. For me the main thing was the treatment center was safe I didn't have to worry about people places and things. They took your cell phone so I didn't even need to worry about the phone ringing. It was where I could actually start to get a few days of being clean. There was drama believe me  you are going to have that when you have all different walks of life and they spend all day and night together. Unless the drama affected me directly then I stayed out of it. Being on a schedule even though I may have hated it was good for me just for the reason of not being on any type of schedule for so many years.
Some of the other reasons treatment was good, is part of the road to recovery is a physical part and there I was able to take my meds on the correct schedule and I was monitored by a doctor and a physicians assistant.

I was also able to begin individual therapy and begin group discussions. Seeing that I had been isolating myself for some time I found this to be good. I was also educated on triggers that might be cause for me to relapse.
Most important was the introduction to two long term recovery 12 step programs which I practice today.

Press Release for The Anonymous People (only 7 Days Left to Tip)

Contact:David Attridge
585-713-2592
585-957-5113
Daveup247@gmail.com
Livinlifealloveragain.blogspot.com
gathr.us/screening/7225


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Film The Anonymous People highlights addiction recovery of over 23 million Americans;
Patrick Kennedy, NBA Star Chris Herren, Actress Kristen Johnston featured

Rochester,New York April 6,2014 A FEATURE FILM about the 23.5 million Americans living in long-term recovery and the emerging public recovery movement will be shown at The Little Theater on April 6,2014  The film is brought to Rochester by a new crowd-sourcing distribution service called Gathr.  Gathr’s “theatrical-on-demand” process allows movie-goers to bring the movies they want to watch to their nearby local theater with no facility rental cost and no risk.

Special event screening tickets are available now by clicking here gathr.us/screening/7225  This link connects to the movie trailer: http://www.theanonymouspeople.com.

They, and the film, question why the United States has criminalized and too often given superficial treatment to a chronic illness – addiction.  As a result, addiction now comes with an annual price tag of $350 billion.  The American approach has put most of the burden of long-term addiction treatment on anonymous, free, 12-step programs. Those programs have done a good job, but no other health problem is treated this way.

In addition, the culture of anonymity in these programs, while it has protected individuals from stigma, has also unintentionally perpetuated false perceptions of people with addiction – as the public doesn’t see how often people in their lives recover.

“This film is not your tired old addiction story often seen on reality television or in the news,” said film producer Greg Williams. “There are no needles hanging out of people’s arms, pictures of the brain, or fried eggs in a pan.  We set out to find the answer to one very fundamental question: Why don’t we treat addiction in this country like any other health issue?”

The Anonymous People also shines a light on prominent people who are not very anonymous and are living publicly as people in long-term recovery themselves: Award winning actress Kristen Johnston, former NBA star Chris Herren; Tara Conner, Miss USA 2006; former congressman Patrick Kennedy; veteran news anchor Laurie Dhue; Tom Coderre, chief of staff to Rhode Island Senate president and many others.  They have chosen to “come out” with their recovery in an effort to counter the existing public perception of other people just like them.

This film aims at transforming public discourse in much the same way that activists once decided that an honest open discussion had to take place about topics such as breast cancer, HIV/AIDS, and being gay in order to spark widespread change.

The Anonymous People is produced and directed by Greg Williams; written by Aaron Cohen, Greg Williams, Jeff Reilly, and Bud Mikhitarian; executive produced by Paul McCulley; co-executive produced by John Silverman; photographed by Craig Mikhitarian; and edited by Jeff Reilly; with an original score by Brendan Berry.

Following The showing of "The Anonymous People ", A panel of local drug addiction professionals, Representative from local treatment centers and local residents who are a living a life of recovery will be hosting  a panel Q&A for movie attendees immediately following the film.

Sleepless in Seattle

OK I'm not in Seattle but with the rain and the wind outside right now I might as well be. At least I could go out and get a good cup of coffee. I don't really drink coffee but if I lived in Seattle maybe I would. Well its 430 as I write this,that is 4:30 am. I can't sleep at all. Nope not a wink. I used to hate nights like this. When I was using and isolating myself from the world ( except my dealer of course) these would be the hours where either I ran out of cash or any dealer I knew stopped answering the phone. That last year or two of my using I was so sick and tired of begin sick and tired my days of pounding on their doors and windows at these hours was over I couldn't do it.
I don't get many of these sleepless nights any more.During my first year of being clean I had many sleepless nights. The nights that would really suck would be those using dream nights, I'd wake up from the dream and I'd swear the shit was on the nightstand, I'd jump out of bed and start looking on the floor for that bag.  Sometimes my mind would be so wicked I would think I had used it all and I'd be putting my jeans on getting ready to go get more. It would usually be when I was putting my second leg in my jeans that I'd be like " hey that was a dream go back to bed." I'd go back to bed but I'd be so freaked out no sleep was gonna happen. The last 6 months well no more using dreams (thank God). The sleepless nights are few and far between maybe once or twice a month. I'll be completely honest I hate them.
Let me set this straight first off the sleepless nights are nothing and I mean nothing like when I really was using those night were just constant racing thoughts of how early could I get the next fix? How was I gonna support my habit today? The scenarios,the planning, the back up plan, the back up plan to that. Believe me when I tell you being an active drug addict was a dangerous full time job, with 2 part time jobs on the weekend.
Many of you may think well at least I saw a lot of sunrises right? NO WAY I never watched sunrises they would just remind me that another dreadful day of an active drug user was about to begin. As much as I couldn't wait to get the next one, I also dreaded getting the next one. In fact many many days I hoped and prayed I wouldn't make it to the next morning.
I often hear many other addicts say My disease ( that would be "The disease of Addiction) wants me dead. I don't think that at all, in fact my disease (again - of Addiction) had its chance to have me dead 18 months ago. I am convinced my disease just loves to fuckin torture me.
So let's get back to tonight ( sorry, I can ramble sometimes.) Now the few sleepless night I have each month mainly consist of 1. My mind still racing of  thoughts of " Am I doing things right? Am I on the right track? 2. Conversations with my higher power the God of my understanding ( you can call it praying, if it makes you feel better) . 3. Thoughts of my chiropractor cause I think she's really smart and hot(That combination is new to me usually its just "hot" but yet I still never get the nerve...) 4. Thoughts of all the amends to the people I screwed over and if they will ever forgive me but even more important before any amends can be made I need to forgive myself and believe me that can make stay up for a few hours. 5. Did I mention my chiropractor? ( Actually I really hope she doesn't see this because she will just think or know how crazy I am.6. Conversations with my father even though he has been gone for 7 years there is not a day I don't think of him or the things he taught me that for many years I had forgotten . Those times with him I make sure I never forget. 7. I think about my other " defects of character I have and how I need to deal with those. 8. This has never happened before but tonight at 5:40 am I thinking about a bowl of cheerios.
Rock On My Friends.

11 Days to Tip....

To those of you that have reserved your tickets I thank you. To those of you that haven't I ask for you to consider doing so. We have 27 more tickets that need to be reserved in order to have this premiere . This documentary is awesome and and sheds light about the addict in recovery and attempts to kill the stigma of the"addict".
Once again the premier we are hoping to have is Sunday April 6,2014 at 3pm at The Little Theater,240 East Ave, Rochester,NY. The cost is $10.00 and the tickets can be reserved by clicking on the link at the end of this post.You can also watch a trailer of the movie the link at the bottom of this post. For those of you that can't make it please consider buying a ticket for a recovering addict you may know or an addict you may know that is stuck in the grips this disease  or someone you know affected by a lobed one in addiction. After the showing,  a panel of experts in recovery will be available for a q &a.
I have notified all media in the Rochester with press releases but they seem to have no interest in doing anything with addiction unless it is extremely negative. Everything is now being done via social media.I appreciate all your support.
gathr.us/screening/7225

The Last 23.5 Hours

From the first hour I walked out of inpatient, I knew life needed to and would make some major changes. I new that some days would be better than others. I knew that any day would be better than a day in active addiction. I knew that just because I put down the drug that I might pick up something besides a drug. I would replace that drug with maybe a fork, a credit card, sex, gambling you name it. I knew that seeing I had been completely emotionless that I would have to deal with feelings and emotions all over again like I was a newborn. I knew I had to be grateful for the things I took advantage of, like waking up. I knew I was empty spiritually and would have to be able to find and trust a higher power other than myself to help me through each day. I knew I had to bring new people into my life that have my best interest in mind. I new I needed to be a son, a brother,a friend that these people would be proud to have. I know all of these things and I must realize that I am not perfect and will make mistakes.I may let people down. I know I must be able to forgive and forget. I know I  must   let things go. I know I must help others because oh so many helped me. I know honesty must be part of my daily life. I know I must be open minded and take  suggestions. I must realize I don't know everything going on in other peoples lives. People may be having as just a bad or maybe even a worse day than I am having. I must also remember that some people may not make it home tonight. I must realize how lucky I am that even though I have this disease of addiction that I have been shown that it can be arrested. I also must remember that that could change in the matter of an instant. I need to be grateful.I need to know that if I have a bad day that its better than where I was. I need to remind myself of the tools I have been given oh so freely. I know that somewhere tonight someone is begging for a day of not being a slave to this disease. A day of not having their every thought their every breath be about one more.

Am I grateful? Hell yes. Did I use today? Hell no.Did today suck? More than you can imagine. So what is the solution? Use the tools I have been given. Let my Higher Power handle what I can't. Use the strengths I have built in the last 17 months. Get up tomorrow hold my breath for ten seconds. Why? Cause I can and I'm alive.

15 Days and Counting

gathr.us/screening/7225

For those of you that have reserved tickets for The Anonymous People on April 6,2014 at The Little Theater,240 East Ave in Rochester,NY at 3pm I thank you and for those of you that haven't I ask that you do so as soon as possible. We have approximately 15 days to sell 30 tickets in order to tip.Certain costs must be made in order to have the showing. We are trying to get as much press about this as possible but I need your help. Louise Slaughter's people tell me she is interested in attending but won't be able to guarantee until approx 2 weeks from now.
The panel for after the showing is coming along great.We have addicts from 12 step programs, veteran programs,treatment centers,addiction counslers and many more.
I am very excited as others also are about this great event.
But like I said we need your help. If we can't tip we can't have the showing .Thanking you in advance.
           Dave

Life After Wartime

I was talking to an addict who is right now in a treatment center trying to start his life over again.One of his questions was "Is recovery fun?, The only way I know how to have fun,was to get high"
Good question I thought and at one point I thought the same thing. In the beginning getting high was fun. I had some great times that was until my disease of addiction took over,at that point it no longer was fun it became my life, ruling every decision, every move I made.
 So I must tell myself if  I am thinking I only had fun when I was getting high, I immediately must tell myself that that is my disease talking. Sometimes I don't know if my disease wants me dead or if it just likes torturing me too much.
Anyway Is recovery fun?
Recovery is and always will be about getting my life back. Recovery allows me to enjoy those things I did before my disease of addiction.Again when I was in active addiction my whole life revolved around my drug and getting that first one and the one after that or as I call it "chasing that high".
Now that I am free today, recovery allows me the freedom to live my life the way it was meant to be lived and to find that meaning and peace I have so longed for.
Now in the beginning was it easy? Absolutely not, my disease was still in high gear. I had to change people, I had to change playgrounds, I had to change almost everything because remember for close to a decade all that mattered was getting one more.
Once that obsessive and that compulsion started to be lifted and I started to have some control and I didn't use "no matter what" I began to feel that I was beginning to experience my life for the very first time. When I felt this I took complete advantage of these feelings as they made me stronger.
Seeing I am in a 12 step program I began to meet new people who had my best interest in my mind and who did not use. Some of these relationships mean more to me than any relationships I have ever had and still are some of the strongest bonds I have today. I also must say the people I hang with today provide me with enough entertainment (Only kidding lol).
The process of one addict helping another addict is so important in this addicts life.
In the past 17 months and so many days, I have done so many things I have always wanted to do and my social calendar can be very busy some weeks. In fact I have found myself needing to make some "work on me time". I also have found myself spending more time than I ever have with my family which is evidence of some of the stronger bonds made because of my recovery.
Seeing entertainment is a huge chunk of my life I have attended more concerts, plays,and sporting events than I ever have.
In recovery I have been able to look at and approach things in life much differently than I ever have before and because of that my outlook, my experiences have all become so enriched and pleasurable. I wake up everyday with excitement to see what that day will bring me.
Appreciation is something that has been absent in my life for years maybe decades. Cultures,people,history,and all the the finer things in life are now things I am starting to experience. The one thing I notice the most today is my respect for people and all the different events that happen in my life today.
 Life is not perfect. Life still brings many challenges but I am learning how to face these challenges with out using any chemicals as the answer or as a way to run from those issues. I also find that I am open to taking suggestions instead of thinking I always have the right answer.
So is recovery fun? The answer is Hell Yes and when some days aren't as good as others I look at as it is a hell of a lot better than the life I was living just 18 months ago.

If Plan A fails.......

Well here it is my new blog.Now I need to start off by saying I am not writing this blog for you or to gain attention or to impress a single person. I am writing this for myself. Why you may ask? Well it's none of your business actually but if you want to know where I am in life well then you might read this every now and then. If you have an opinion go ahead post one.
OK so where do I start well I am obviously good looking and a funny guy. I grew up with a great family awesome father who passed away seven years ago and their isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him or think what would dad tell me to do? I have a beautiful mother who I am with every day and probably drives me crazy as much as I do her but she is not only my mother she is my best friend and has stuck by me no matter what I may be going through good and bad.I also have 2 sisters and 1 brother who i love dearly and I really appreciate all the family thing. So anyway the title and the picture on this post obviously tell you that plan A failed, well sort of plan A actually worked for about 30 years (well at least I thought so) let's see a little background I suppose is in order (the short version) I was a full time entertainer for many many years which I loved more than anything,did well with it, traveled a lot, met and worked with some great people,performers and dare I say fans.Let's see got married, got divorced,made a lot of money,lost a lot of money,made a lot of friends,lost a lot of friends,made a lot of connections, burned a lot of bridges, drank a lot of alcohol, drank a ton of alcohol, smoked a little weed, did a shitload of drugs. Are you getting the picture? Plan A came to a screeching halt on September 17,2012 - that was the last time I put any chemical in body not by my choice either it was actually my hearts choice which decided to stop working ,no not a heart attack what they call in the medical profession chronic heart failure or better known as CHF .So now you probably understand why it wasn't my choice it actually wasn't my choice untill I came out of a coma 4 or 5 days later ( I can't remember I was asleep) which I couldn't even say I swear I'll never do a drug ever again because I had this tube down my throat and I was strapped to the bed. Now after the tube was taken out  and I was unstrapped and I saw my whole family standing over me and a doctor with my toxicology report and a social worker asking me if I wanted to go into rehab that's when I said never again would I put a chemical into my body again you see today I'm not a rock star I'm not an entertainer, I'm not a husband, I'm not even probably a good friend today I'm a person in long term recovery actually the hell with long term I'm in life long recovery and yes I work and live a twelve step program. Say what you want about 12 step programs all I can tell you is that 12 step program has saved my life. So what have I been doing since that night on September 17, 2012 well I can say it in one word Recovering yup physically I've had to get better past two years I've ended up with a smorgous Borg of health issues from not only the abuse I put my body through but I also was in a major accident where I was hit from behind at a full stop and then tossed into the oncoming lane where I was hit head on ( and for those of you wondering no -no alcohol or drugs were involved at all.) I've had some legal issues to deal with, surgery, and of course I have had to change people,places and things. So now its time to start Plan B.
What is Plan B you ask? I don't know, for right now its taking each day and making it to tomorrow.