I Get By With A Little Help From my Friends

I was never a huge Beatles fan growing up. Not really sure why, but I've grown to appreciate them and what they did. I actually have really grown a huge amount of respect for Paul McCartney and how he changes the face of music everyday.
OK  now don't get all excited about the fact that I changed the one word in the title of the song. I get high with a little help from my friends has been always a favorite song of mine to listen to and perform.
Today's post is about Friends and this post is totally off the cuff no research, no rewrites, no politically correct bullshit just straight from the heart and soul.

Friends have been a huge part of my life. I'm talkin those close can't get through today without them friends. Sure you have those friends that you can see every once in while and those one good night or time memories makes you smile. Those friends you maybe did something you shouldn't have with. We have our high school and college friends that we had to talk to everyday but haven't spoken to since the day we graduated. We have those friends that we celebrated certain milestones in our life that we'll never forget but yet never make a point to call or see. Then we have those friends we partied with or those friends that could always hook you up with whatever that may be.

But I'm not talk in about those "friends".

Now if you have ever been to hell (I have) or lived a part of your life in addiction ( I have) and then a life of recovery ( I am) many things in life can and will take on new meaning. Friends are one of those things and if not the most important Friends are very high on that list for me. Growing up or childhood friends are at least for me something that have a very special part of my soul and my heart. I have one childhood friend that fits that part. Growing up we are innocent, we are kids discovering life as we know it. We are finding what we like, what we don't. We are opening our eyes to all that life has to offer. We are starting to shape the mold of the rest of our lives. I am lucky and blessed enough to have one of those friends. We talked on the phone multiple times a day. We spent every waking hour with each other. We laughed all day everyday. When a problem happened in our young lives no matter how small or how goofy those problems may seem now we did everything we could to help solve it. When they felt pain I felt pain. When I cried they cried. When they prospered I prospered. Life has gone on and things have changed. We moved, we got married, we started families, we got jobs. Even though technology has made communication easier than ever we don't talk everyday,every week or even every month but guess what that don't matter because when we do run into each other and sometimes these days its for funerals. That same childhood feeling that growing up feeling all comes back and reminds you of all those memories and lessons we learned growing up. That mold we were so busy shaping now begins to have life again and becomes stronger because you get that feeling in your soul again that tells you that they are still there for you and it tells you that you're there for them. That they still care about you like they did everyday growing up as you do them. That childhood friend of mine knows who they are and that to me is the main ingredient in having close friends throughout your life.

I've made other close friends throughout my life that have made huge impacts on my life also but I'm gonna skip a little ahead like into my years of addiction. I can think of two people that have been through it all with me. These two people stood by me no matter what they never gave up on me. They were always just a phone call away. They tried to protect me and when they saw that there was no protecting me because I was so self destructive to myself they were just a step away. When I was the most selfish unethical asshole, they shrugged it off. When I came crawling for help numerous and multiple times they were there. They tried to pick me up many times. They offered everything they had why cause we had that bond, that tie, that gorilla glue that couldn't be beat. Wow how freakin lucky can a guy be? Seriously?

So now I can skip ahead to today. Today is a new day for me a new time for me. Being in recovery shines a new light on me and dusts some of that dust off of me so I can remember that void I had placed in my soul. Maybe its because many of my new close friends have been through the same thing I have been. Most of my new friends are people I have met through recovery and if that was the only thing I ever got out of recovery I'm more than satisfied. I have met and become friends now that are exactly like my childhood friend and those two friends I spoke of who were crazy enough to stick by me. My friends today have set my soul on fire have reestablished faith in my life today. These friends are as important as the air I breathe and as valuable as all the gold I could carry. The appreciation I have for All of my friends I have today and those whom I have described from past are the reason I get up everyday.The reason I fight. The reason? I have hope. So to all of you and you know who you are.

Thank You

I Got Stuff

It has been a few days since I posted on here. Why? I don't know.
Every time I sat down and began to write, I put it away. I just didn't feel like it. Of course I had in my head "The world will collapse if I don't post" and "Everyone will be so disappointed in me". "Everyone counts on me". Seriously these are the thoughts that go through my head.Crazy!! So for the three people that actually might read this blog. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I can't guarantee that it won't happen again but truly I'm sorry I'll try.
OK so on to other things on my list.

 The Anonymous People
Wow it was great. It was the first time I had seen the film in its entirety And I was extremely impressed and I was pumped to be honest. The Little was in my opinion was the perfect place to hold this event. Lots of people seemed very impressed with the screening. The Little Theater staff was great and very helpful. The really cool thing I was happy about was I didn't know 80% of the people that attended. Why does that make me happy? Well it tells me that people are truly concerned about the addiction problem in our area and even people came from Geneva,NY which is about 45 minutes from Rochester. Of course I must thank all of you that came. Whether I knew you or not that was awesome. Some of my family and friends from childhood came and that was the best type of support you can get. I also received a lot of support from people that want to help with my next project. Which brings me to my next thing to talk about.
The Rochester Recovery Film Festival

This is another reason I haven't been posting nearly as much. I have been busy trying to get this project off the ground.Lots of hurdles to get over but I'm encouraged to keep going. No major road blocks. Many things in this community need to be done about the growing drug epidemic here in Rochester. Treatment and aftercare are basically a joke. The only hope I feel an addict has in this area I feel is the 12 step programs which are extremely successful and do a great job but much more needs to be done and I feel awareness is a start just making the general public aware of the problem, the services available for help with for not only the still suffering addict but the services for the families and loved ones that are also caught in this grip of addiction.
So seeing the success I feel we had with The Anonymous People (note This was done with absolutely no media support just little ole me doing Social Media)That I felt let's expand it. So this is where the idea for The Rochester Recovery Film Festival came to be.

Now I am modeling the festival after another widely successful recovery film festival that is held across the states in large metropolitan cities such as San Francisco, Houston, NYC, Los Angeles to name a few. This festival is called Reel Film Festival. Now even though I am modeling The Rochester Recovery Film Festival after it, it will have a personality of its own. I will now give you some temporary details on it but let ma stress the word temporary. I do hope to have a press release and conference next month. My hope is that the festival can be held the the weekend of September 26,27 of this year. The reason I would like to have this held in September is because it is National Recovery Month. The first problem I am having is it seems like every film festival and its brother is having its film festival here. So finding a location is first thing on my list ( any ideas email me). Other events are also going on in this area for National Recovery Month and I felt this would be a great way to end this month. The website I am hoping will be up in the next couple of weeks as I have been working tirelessly to get that launched. 

I have been also in touch with many film directors who have expressed great interest to have their films shown and be available for Q&A sessions after the showing. So a ton of work to be ton but I feel it can be done one task at a time. 

So that's my life lately and I am happy with the way things are moving but for right now I need to get back to work. Thanks and any questions email me I'll be here.

Being Clean and Sober and going to College

After seeing The Anonymous People yesterday, in the documentary was a part about Teenagers that may be in Recovery and how going off to college could be a potential relapse. This makes total sense and something I have never really thought about because after all I am just a wee past my college years. I ended up doing some research on this and actually found about 20 or so different "Sober" colleges and I was surprised to find some well known colleges.
So what exactly is a "Clean and Sober College"?
Well it is exactly what it sounds like. A college where college aged students can go to learn and live in a substance free enviorment.
These colleges offer the same majors as any of the non-clean and sober colleges. It is awesome though that this offered

1. Brigham Young University, Provo,Utah'
2. Wheaton University, Wheaton,Illinois
3. College of The Ozarks, Point Lookout,MO
4. Thomas Aquinas College,Santa Paula,CA
5. US Military Academy, West Point, NY
6. Grove City College, Grove City,PA
7. Wesleyan College, Macon,GA
8. U.S. Coast Guard Academy, New London,CT
9. U.S. Naval Academy, Annapolis, MD
10. Calvin College, Grand Rapids, Mich
11. City University of New York- Brooklyn College, Brooklyn,NY
12. City University of New York- New York City College,NY,NY
13. City University of New York-Queens College,Flushing,NY
14. Mills College, Oakland,CA
15. Agnes Scott College,Atlanta,GA
16. Franklin W. Olin College of Engineering, Needham,MA
17. California Institute of Technology,Pasadena,CA
18. Simmons College,Boston,MA
19. Wellesley College,Wellesley,MA
20. Xavier College,New Orleans,LA

Big Spike in Tickets for The Rochester Premier of The Anonymous People at The Little

We had a large spike in Ticket Sales for the Rochester,NY for the premier of The Anonymous People documentary. Some press is starting to kick in and more is expected as the last great P/R push begins for our April 6,2014 3:00 pm showing. If you do not purchase tickets online the only time the The Little will be selling them is day of show, so if you don't have your tickets yet buy them now online. You may click on the link below to purchase online. If you are unable to attend please consider buying a ticket for a recovering  addict who cannot afford to see this showing. I do have list of about ten people please contact me. Otherwise thanks for your support. After the showing a Q&A will be happening in the Little Cafe. Any questions about this or anything to do with the showing please contact me.
Just to let everyone know after this event I have been asked to put on a very large recovery event. Since all details are being still worked out I cannot speak of it yet but I should be able to announce it on Sunday. The reason I mention this here is for two reasons I am going to need a large volunteer committee so I would like to mention that and if you can't make it to the showing please continue to watch for posts with announcements right here but for right now my energy is all about this showing so let's have a sellout. Thanks

gathr.us/screening/7225

I Want it All

Wow that is how we are these days. Instant Gratification is that society that we live in. Does my clean time or my recovery have a shortcut to the promise land or paradise ?
Recovery is not just a straight line to follow I find there is actually 3 things I need to work on in order for Recovery to happen.
1.Physical - living the way I did for years, you can not expect to not have consequences. My medical records suddenly turned into an episode of The Walking Dead but since then I'm not a perfect picture of health but I'm nowhere near appearing on The Walking Dead.
2.Mind -  OK years of toxic thinking, having no feelings what so ever, add in a dash or two of paranoia makes a person ohh what can I call it maybe certifiable? OK maybe not that bad but not good either. With recovery  you have to only change one thing. Everything!! and its not gonna happen in one basketball season.
3.Spirit- OK did you read #'s 1 and 2 well hopefully you won't need much convincing on this one. Really being in touch with my inner self just is not going to happen overnight. But that with time gets better and a lot quicker than you'd expect.
Pain is a fact of life. It is going to happen to us all in fact if you have never experienced some type of pain at some point or points in your life well all I can say is You must be lying and should probably seek help because your one step away from.....aw forget it just seek help. Anyway you see being an addict I would need to mask that pain and guess how I did that? Being a recovering addict, I realize what that pain is whether it is something from the past or right now in the present I need to make a choice a choice I never gave myself. Do I let this pain consume me or do I learn from it and move forward? In my recovery today I learn and move forward.
Today being in recovery allows me to live life completely all the good and all bad. I can have feelings of love,excitement,happiness,fulfillment but I will no doubt have feeling of fear,doubt and pain. Instead of hiding or running away from these feelings I can now face these feelings head on. Today being a recovering addict is great because I can face life and all it has to offer the good and the bad.

The Anonymous People Only 9 Days Left

April 6,2014 3:00pm at the Little Theater,Rochester,NY

Just to keep Everyone up to Date 70 tickets have been sold as of today.We have a little more than 9 days left until the screening.Everything that has been done so far to sell tickets has been done only with social media. Why other media is not responding I haven't a clue. I have sent an email to Film Critic Jack Garner asking for some help or suggestions on getting media to respond. The email went out this afternoon and I am looking forward to his response.

The movie is getting a lot of national attention and that can only help.

I have spoken with Congresswoman Louise Slaughter's office after receiving an inquiry email and she will be attending if her schedule permits.

So lots of great things happening surrounding the screening so tell your friends, coworkers,family whoever so we can have a sold out show.

90 tickets in only 9 days so that's only 10 tickets a day.

The only time you can buy tickets at the Little will be April 6 if any are left.

gathr.us/screening/7225

The Show Will Go On

Thank You to all of you who reserved you're tickets. We have reached the minimum number that we needed in order have the screening which is awesome. 50 tickets were reserved. We now have 105 tickets left. So those of you that didn't reserve your tickets I would suggest doing that now. I expect that since the tip was reached we will begin to get some print and TV promotion. Thanks once again
www.gathr.us/screening/7225

Sleepless in Seattle

OK I'm not in Seattle but with the rain and the wind outside right now I might as well be. At least I could go out and get a good cup of coffee. I don't really drink coffee but if I lived in Seattle maybe I would. Well its 430 as I write this,that is 4:30 am. I can't sleep at all. Nope not a wink. I used to hate nights like this. When I was using and isolating myself from the world ( except my dealer of course) these would be the hours where either I ran out of cash or any dealer I knew stopped answering the phone. That last year or two of my using I was so sick and tired of begin sick and tired my days of pounding on their doors and windows at these hours was over I couldn't do it.
I don't get many of these sleepless nights any more.During my first year of being clean I had many sleepless nights. The nights that would really suck would be those using dream nights, I'd wake up from the dream and I'd swear the shit was on the nightstand, I'd jump out of bed and start looking on the floor for that bag.  Sometimes my mind would be so wicked I would think I had used it all and I'd be putting my jeans on getting ready to go get more. It would usually be when I was putting my second leg in my jeans that I'd be like " hey that was a dream go back to bed." I'd go back to bed but I'd be so freaked out no sleep was gonna happen. The last 6 months well no more using dreams (thank God). The sleepless nights are few and far between maybe once or twice a month. I'll be completely honest I hate them.
Let me set this straight first off the sleepless nights are nothing and I mean nothing like when I really was using those night were just constant racing thoughts of how early could I get the next fix? How was I gonna support my habit today? The scenarios,the planning, the back up plan, the back up plan to that. Believe me when I tell you being an active drug addict was a dangerous full time job, with 2 part time jobs on the weekend.
Many of you may think well at least I saw a lot of sunrises right? NO WAY I never watched sunrises they would just remind me that another dreadful day of an active drug user was about to begin. As much as I couldn't wait to get the next one, I also dreaded getting the next one. In fact many many days I hoped and prayed I wouldn't make it to the next morning.
I often hear many other addicts say My disease ( that would be "The disease of Addiction) wants me dead. I don't think that at all, in fact my disease (again - of Addiction) had its chance to have me dead 18 months ago. I am convinced my disease just loves to fuckin torture me.
So let's get back to tonight ( sorry, I can ramble sometimes.) Now the few sleepless night I have each month mainly consist of 1. My mind still racing of  thoughts of " Am I doing things right? Am I on the right track? 2. Conversations with my higher power the God of my understanding ( you can call it praying, if it makes you feel better) . 3. Thoughts of my chiropractor cause I think she's really smart and hot(That combination is new to me usually its just "hot" but yet I still never get the nerve...) 4. Thoughts of all the amends to the people I screwed over and if they will ever forgive me but even more important before any amends can be made I need to forgive myself and believe me that can make stay up for a few hours. 5. Did I mention my chiropractor? ( Actually I really hope she doesn't see this because she will just think or know how crazy I am.6. Conversations with my father even though he has been gone for 7 years there is not a day I don't think of him or the things he taught me that for many years I had forgotten . Those times with him I make sure I never forget. 7. I think about my other " defects of character I have and how I need to deal with those. 8. This has never happened before but tonight at 5:40 am I thinking about a bowl of cheerios.
Rock On My Friends.

11 Days to Tip....

To those of you that have reserved your tickets I thank you. To those of you that haven't I ask for you to consider doing so. We have 27 more tickets that need to be reserved in order to have this premiere . This documentary is awesome and and sheds light about the addict in recovery and attempts to kill the stigma of the"addict".
Once again the premier we are hoping to have is Sunday April 6,2014 at 3pm at The Little Theater,240 East Ave, Rochester,NY. The cost is $10.00 and the tickets can be reserved by clicking on the link at the end of this post.You can also watch a trailer of the movie the link at the bottom of this post. For those of you that can't make it please consider buying a ticket for a recovering addict you may know or an addict you may know that is stuck in the grips this disease  or someone you know affected by a lobed one in addiction. After the showing,  a panel of experts in recovery will be available for a q &a.
I have notified all media in the Rochester with press releases but they seem to have no interest in doing anything with addiction unless it is extremely negative. Everything is now being done via social media.I appreciate all your support.
gathr.us/screening/7225