Self Mastery- Part One

OK before I entered long term recovery I will admit I had no idea what self mastery was. I thought it was some strange masturbation act like maybe the thing that the lead singer of Inxs died from. I don't know I can't be responsible for my thoughts in active addiction.
Once I got into recovery I found myself really trying to get in touch with myself ( No Pun intended - OK I couldn't resist) and really get to know me. The real me.Self Mastery basically holds the key to the quality of life.
Mainly, to foster an evolution of a powerful belief system. When a far reaching belief system is established and used daily in your life,you will follow the way and reach the destiny of that belief system.
You can have and get whatever you want in life and create your own destiny by just understanding and living that system to influence whatever you say, do, or think.
Most people know what they should be doing in life. Few people actually follow through with it, even though they know what is required to do that. Why you ask?
Well let's talk about those nasty things we sometimes love and sometimes hate - Feelings
If you change how you feel in any situation, that will ultimately alter how you act. Are you still with me?
Basically by having self mastery over your feelings and creating the correct feeling you should really have, you are on your way to controlling your reactions.
Now in the image above they talk about the Physical state. Physical state is very important. Now I'm not talking about having abs of steel or tight buns. What I am saying is if you control your health, all that is going to do is create energy and enthusiasm in all aspects of your life.
Now many many aspects of your life fall in the category of relationships both personal and professional. Now if you can share some of your accomplishments and successes with those you have relationships with. You will feel that sense of accomplishment and contribution in your own life be magnified.
Well I will continue my thoughts on self mastery in the next post. That right there is enough to digest but easy enough to begin trying out and see some results. Just remember that its the beginning key to quality of life.

It's Summer!!!!!

So I was reading Leah Miranda's post Top 10 Sober Summer Activities (#sobersummer). I was inspired to do my top 10 list ( Thanks Leah!!!). Now I must admit summer has been on my mind for ohhhh let's see since December 26 and I have been mentally putting the list together. Now are these total sober or clean events - No not by any stretch of the imagination but as long as I stay clean and sober. So I would suggest if your not sure if you can handle the surroundings don't put yourself in those surrounding's. Now I'm not saying I went and hung out in drug houses and bars last summer. In fact last summer was the first "clean" summer I had in decades but last summer was filled with anxiety and panic attacks too and I did attend some events that sold alcohol or had people getting high. I ended up going to the local jazz fest here twice last summer once to see Dr.John and once to see my all time fav Delbert McClinton but I went with a huge sober support who would have broken my arms if I tried anything ( Thanks Sean). I also went to see Steve Winwood, The Allman Brothers and Styx. Again I went with another supporter and left when I wanted to. Some may argue that that wasn't a smart for me so early but it worked. So anyway back to my Summer of 2015 list of things I plan on accomplishing.

1. Bonfires
OK I agree the above picture looks more like a California wildfire or a meteor landing but last summer I did some bonfires and for some reason they were so cool. I really can't tell you why.I mean all we did was try not to get eaten alive by insects and just shoot the shit but still it was relaxing and I was hanging with good friends and that was perfect for me. So more bonfires this summer I say.

2. ADK
OK not making a trip to the Adirondacks wouldn't make my summer  complete its something I have done since I was little and even though I missed many years because I was off doing something else. I went last year and spent the week with my niece and had an awesome time. So why not do it again. Something about that "peaceful easy feeling", breakfast at "Good Times", Ice Cream at "Northern Lights " fireworks on the dock. No cell, no internet, no TV.

3. Read a Book

It had been years since I had read a book. It had been years since I had learned anything. Last summer I decided to read a book but just not any book a book that would take some time to read. A book that I could learn from. A book I would enjoy. So I looked and looked and funny thing was the book was right in front of me the entire time. Heck the book is probably close to you. I picked The Bible. Now I was brought up catholic. Catholic elementary school, Catholic High School ( until I was asked to leave). But I had never opened up a Bible. Now while I was running in active addiction any thought of a higher power just did not exist except of course for my 911 higher power. So now being clean I was trying to find my spirituality my higher power. So if I'm gonna reconnect why not read the book. So I read the Old Testament last summer. I learned so much and it got me to reconnect with my higher power. Now this summer I will read the New Testament.

4. Grilling
There is nothing like the taste of a huge burger with the juice dripping off of it,all the condiments overflowing onto a hard bun. Or the perfect taste of a tender steak with grilled corn on the cob and the unbelievable taste popping salt potatoes. Now if you were at any of the parties I was at last summer you know I can't grill for shit but I do love to eat and I do look good in an apron.

5. North Wildwood, NJ,
I miss North Wildwood so much. I lived there when I was in my late teens and I had some of the best summers ever. I lived in a 2nd floor shack by the ocean and I guarantee there is nothing like it. The ocean air, the unbelieveable seafood, stress less and beautiful plus I got a friend who has never been to the ocean who am I to deny that to them. Sounds like a road trip !!!!

6. Cigars
 To me the pleasure of after a hard day of work going out on the back deck and smoking a couple of cigars with a few buddies and the conversation starts flowing. Politics anyone?

7.Hometown Festivals
At least in the town I currently live in from about May to September There seems  to be a festival every night of the week. The International Jazz Fest, Corn Hill Arts Festival, Park Ave Fest, Clothes Line Fest. I could go on and on. Grab a Red Oiser ( great roast beef sandwich). Plus I love to people watch so I will definitely be hitting some of those.

8.Block Island,Rhode Island
This place is a hidden jewel. Block Island is like the Hamptons for the middle class. The way to get there is to take a ferry from Point Judith,NY you can bring your car on the ferry if you want but I suggest leave the car and rent a moped or bicycle to go around the island. Lighthouses are a stop you want to see. All the restaurants are top notch. Yes there are touristy shops and all that but it doesn't look or even feel like it. The beaches seem like they never end and the locals are the nicest people you'll ever meet.The island actually has that old southern look and attitude. I love going here. A three day stay is ideal for me and really gives me that chance to suck it all in.

9. Do Something for Someone
Whether you volunteer or contribute to a cause  that is awesome but try doing something nice for someone in your family or someone who is a person who does for others all the time but its rare

they are recognized. I am actually taking my 82 year old mother to go see Kieth Urban in July. I am not a fan of country music and to be honest I have never even heard a Kieth Urban song. But hey my mom has a crush on Kieth Urban and thats OK with me so were going to go to the show.

10.Stay Clean

This actually will be the most important thing I will do all summer. I must keep my program active,attend my meetings and do my service work. With keeping true to staying clean how can I not have a great summer.

That Burning Desire

Anybody can quit drugs. People do it all the time.Everyday hundreds probably thousands of people quit doing drugs. Having that burning desire to quit is great but let me tell you a secret. Staying off drugs is where the success lies.
I found the first 6 months to be the toughest. It seemed that not only every day did I not only have that burning desire to use,but I used to have that burning desire every hour it seemed, sometimes every five minutes and believe me it sucked and if you've ever kicked the shit you know exactly what I'm talking about.
So I've mentioned two different desires. The burning desire to quit and The burning desire to use.
Now I actually didn't have the Burning Desire to quit in the beginning . I basically was OK with using.Sure I knew things were getting out of hand but hey I always got away or out of everything so I figured I got this no problem.

Well let me tell you where that wonderful thinking got me.

 OK I wasn't kidnapped by 7 dwarfs ( Although there was this one night in Mexico where I woke up with a donkey,2 midgets , a gorgeous little Latina and chocolate sprinkles all over my boxer shorts - don't ask) but it got me dead. Litterly I mean dead like the ticker stopped ticking. The heart stopped pounding. My savior was a nurse a 21 year old nurse actually. This nurse came in to do one of those medication wake ups at four in the morning and saw that I was, well to be blunt - dead. After going into a coma for a while and then 3 fun filled weeks  in the ICU I was able to have that burning desire to stop using. Scary uh?

Hell now did I not only have a burning desire to quit. I had a burning desire to live. So I told myself, self, your desire to quit using had to be as big as your desire to live. So that desire is what pushes me each day but  yet the desire to use is still there, maybe not every day but it is still there right around the corner. Ready, waiting, tempting,calling,pushing, doing whatever it can to get me to get one more and that's when the desire can can turn unbearable, lighting my addiction on fire because it knows if it gets me to get one more there will be a thousand more at least. So what do I do? Well I know that each day I don't use I get stronger so I can use all the tools I have learned from that 12 step program I practice. One of those tools I've learned is to share. When I get that burning desire to use I can get my ass to a meeting and share that desire with another addict(s). Thank God for that program uh?

So desire is a funny little fucker who has many meanings. Desire can be a life saver or it can be a life ender. Be Strong.

#addictionrecovery

#livinglifealloveragain

#drugabuse

#superdave

I Get By With A Little Help From my Friends

I was never a huge Beatles fan growing up. Not really sure why, but I've grown to appreciate them and what they did. I actually have really grown a huge amount of respect for Paul McCartney and how he changes the face of music everyday.
OK  now don't get all excited about the fact that I changed the one word in the title of the song. I get high with a little help from my friends has been always a favorite song of mine to listen to and perform.
Today's post is about Friends and this post is totally off the cuff no research, no rewrites, no politically correct bullshit just straight from the heart and soul.

Friends have been a huge part of my life. I'm talkin those close can't get through today without them friends. Sure you have those friends that you can see every once in while and those one good night or time memories makes you smile. Those friends you maybe did something you shouldn't have with. We have our high school and college friends that we had to talk to everyday but haven't spoken to since the day we graduated. We have those friends that we celebrated certain milestones in our life that we'll never forget but yet never make a point to call or see. Then we have those friends we partied with or those friends that could always hook you up with whatever that may be.

But I'm not talk in about those "friends".

Now if you have ever been to hell (I have) or lived a part of your life in addiction ( I have) and then a life of recovery ( I am) many things in life can and will take on new meaning. Friends are one of those things and if not the most important Friends are very high on that list for me. Growing up or childhood friends are at least for me something that have a very special part of my soul and my heart. I have one childhood friend that fits that part. Growing up we are innocent, we are kids discovering life as we know it. We are finding what we like, what we don't. We are opening our eyes to all that life has to offer. We are starting to shape the mold of the rest of our lives. I am lucky and blessed enough to have one of those friends. We talked on the phone multiple times a day. We spent every waking hour with each other. We laughed all day everyday. When a problem happened in our young lives no matter how small or how goofy those problems may seem now we did everything we could to help solve it. When they felt pain I felt pain. When I cried they cried. When they prospered I prospered. Life has gone on and things have changed. We moved, we got married, we started families, we got jobs. Even though technology has made communication easier than ever we don't talk everyday,every week or even every month but guess what that don't matter because when we do run into each other and sometimes these days its for funerals. That same childhood feeling that growing up feeling all comes back and reminds you of all those memories and lessons we learned growing up. That mold we were so busy shaping now begins to have life again and becomes stronger because you get that feeling in your soul again that tells you that they are still there for you and it tells you that you're there for them. That they still care about you like they did everyday growing up as you do them. That childhood friend of mine knows who they are and that to me is the main ingredient in having close friends throughout your life.

I've made other close friends throughout my life that have made huge impacts on my life also but I'm gonna skip a little ahead like into my years of addiction. I can think of two people that have been through it all with me. These two people stood by me no matter what they never gave up on me. They were always just a phone call away. They tried to protect me and when they saw that there was no protecting me because I was so self destructive to myself they were just a step away. When I was the most selfish unethical asshole, they shrugged it off. When I came crawling for help numerous and multiple times they were there. They tried to pick me up many times. They offered everything they had why cause we had that bond, that tie, that gorilla glue that couldn't be beat. Wow how freakin lucky can a guy be? Seriously?

So now I can skip ahead to today. Today is a new day for me a new time for me. Being in recovery shines a new light on me and dusts some of that dust off of me so I can remember that void I had placed in my soul. Maybe its because many of my new close friends have been through the same thing I have been. Most of my new friends are people I have met through recovery and if that was the only thing I ever got out of recovery I'm more than satisfied. I have met and become friends now that are exactly like my childhood friend and those two friends I spoke of who were crazy enough to stick by me. My friends today have set my soul on fire have reestablished faith in my life today. These friends are as important as the air I breathe and as valuable as all the gold I could carry. The appreciation I have for All of my friends I have today and those whom I have described from past are the reason I get up everyday.The reason I fight. The reason? I have hope. So to all of you and you know who you are.

Thank You

The Rochester Recovery Film Festival

The Rochester Recovery Film Festival

Well it is happening The First Rochester Recovery Film Festival will be happening for 3 days in September of 2014.
Volunteers are needed.
Committees are being formed if anyone is interested in putting this event together a meeting will be held tomorrow if you are interested please contact me.Thanks

The Meaning of Life or is it A Life of Meaning?

What is the meaning of life? Wow what a question.A very deep question I guess. In days past I could have made a whole 3 days of drinking and partying ( any excuse-right?)trying to figure out the answer. Now with 19 months and a couple of days I approach this question and I'm pretty sure I won't go to those extremes. At least not today.
I think in a way, all of us are searching our whole lives for this answer. Some of us never get that answer. Some of us go to extreme measures to get it. Some study great philosophers and their writings and experiments. Some people live their lives like "great men from the past. Others feel taking drugs for that out of mind out of body experience that can allow you to look at life from the outside and find that meaning. For me that usually meant getting high more often and for longer periods of time. I think I called it Research (any excuse right?). Believe it or not I never found the answer. I'm sure at times I acted like I found the answer. I probably acted like I had the answer. Hell I might have even told you the answer. I also would have told you OJ was innocent

I for many many years thought the meaning of life was in music. You could find all the answers in certain songs. The music was and still is an important part of my life but its not the meaning of life. It was a tool to get through life and still is. Music will always be my first love and I'll always be music's bitch. But the meaning of life? Nah.
Some people try to connect the meaning of life with the most simplest things. For example many people believe the number 42 is the meaning of life.

Buzz Light year's space ship is named 42. Elvis

died at age 42. The album by Pink Flyod's Album "Dark Side of the Moon" is 42 minutes long.The album Thriller and Back in Black are also 42 minutes long.

There are 42 gallons in a barrel of oil. Wimbledon used 42,000 balls last year. A Big Mac has 42% of your daily intake of salt.

So what is the meaning of life? I think its whatever you want it to be. 

I Got Stuff

It has been a few days since I posted on here. Why? I don't know.
Every time I sat down and began to write, I put it away. I just didn't feel like it. Of course I had in my head "The world will collapse if I don't post" and "Everyone will be so disappointed in me". "Everyone counts on me". Seriously these are the thoughts that go through my head.Crazy!! So for the three people that actually might read this blog. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I can't guarantee that it won't happen again but truly I'm sorry I'll try.
OK so on to other things on my list.

 The Anonymous People
Wow it was great. It was the first time I had seen the film in its entirety And I was extremely impressed and I was pumped to be honest. The Little was in my opinion was the perfect place to hold this event. Lots of people seemed very impressed with the screening. The Little Theater staff was great and very helpful. The really cool thing I was happy about was I didn't know 80% of the people that attended. Why does that make me happy? Well it tells me that people are truly concerned about the addiction problem in our area and even people came from Geneva,NY which is about 45 minutes from Rochester. Of course I must thank all of you that came. Whether I knew you or not that was awesome. Some of my family and friends from childhood came and that was the best type of support you can get. I also received a lot of support from people that want to help with my next project. Which brings me to my next thing to talk about.
The Rochester Recovery Film Festival

This is another reason I haven't been posting nearly as much. I have been busy trying to get this project off the ground.Lots of hurdles to get over but I'm encouraged to keep going. No major road blocks. Many things in this community need to be done about the growing drug epidemic here in Rochester. Treatment and aftercare are basically a joke. The only hope I feel an addict has in this area I feel is the 12 step programs which are extremely successful and do a great job but much more needs to be done and I feel awareness is a start just making the general public aware of the problem, the services available for help with for not only the still suffering addict but the services for the families and loved ones that are also caught in this grip of addiction.
So seeing the success I feel we had with The Anonymous People (note This was done with absolutely no media support just little ole me doing Social Media)That I felt let's expand it. So this is where the idea for The Rochester Recovery Film Festival came to be.

Now I am modeling the festival after another widely successful recovery film festival that is held across the states in large metropolitan cities such as San Francisco, Houston, NYC, Los Angeles to name a few. This festival is called Reel Film Festival. Now even though I am modeling The Rochester Recovery Film Festival after it, it will have a personality of its own. I will now give you some temporary details on it but let ma stress the word temporary. I do hope to have a press release and conference next month. My hope is that the festival can be held the the weekend of September 26,27 of this year. The reason I would like to have this held in September is because it is National Recovery Month. The first problem I am having is it seems like every film festival and its brother is having its film festival here. So finding a location is first thing on my list ( any ideas email me). Other events are also going on in this area for National Recovery Month and I felt this would be a great way to end this month. The website I am hoping will be up in the next couple of weeks as I have been working tirelessly to get that launched. 

I have been also in touch with many film directors who have expressed great interest to have their films shown and be available for Q&A sessions after the showing. So a ton of work to be ton but I feel it can be done one task at a time. 

So that's my life lately and I am happy with the way things are moving but for right now I need to get back to work. Thanks and any questions email me I'll be here.