Self Mastery- Part One

OK before I entered long term recovery I will admit I had no idea what self mastery was. I thought it was some strange masturbation act like maybe the thing that the lead singer of Inxs died from. I don't know I can't be responsible for my thoughts in active addiction.
Once I got into recovery I found myself really trying to get in touch with myself ( No Pun intended - OK I couldn't resist) and really get to know me. The real me.Self Mastery basically holds the key to the quality of life.
Mainly, to foster an evolution of a powerful belief system. When a far reaching belief system is established and used daily in your life,you will follow the way and reach the destiny of that belief system.
You can have and get whatever you want in life and create your own destiny by just understanding and living that system to influence whatever you say, do, or think.
Most people know what they should be doing in life. Few people actually follow through with it, even though they know what is required to do that. Why you ask?
Well let's talk about those nasty things we sometimes love and sometimes hate - Feelings
If you change how you feel in any situation, that will ultimately alter how you act. Are you still with me?
Basically by having self mastery over your feelings and creating the correct feeling you should really have, you are on your way to controlling your reactions.
Now in the image above they talk about the Physical state. Physical state is very important. Now I'm not talking about having abs of steel or tight buns. What I am saying is if you control your health, all that is going to do is create energy and enthusiasm in all aspects of your life.
Now many many aspects of your life fall in the category of relationships both personal and professional. Now if you can share some of your accomplishments and successes with those you have relationships with. You will feel that sense of accomplishment and contribution in your own life be magnified.
Well I will continue my thoughts on self mastery in the next post. That right there is enough to digest but easy enough to begin trying out and see some results. Just remember that its the beginning key to quality of life.

The Warning Signs of Relaspe

"You can never ever use successfully again", Just for Today", "If you go back out, You might not make it back" These are all sayings that I've heard throughout my recovery. These sayings are all well and good, but let's take a look at some of the Warning signs before the actual pick up.
Now I'm not a doctor, I'm not a psychologist, I'm not an expert of any kind. I have however done a lot of research and I am going on something I find helpful -previous experience.
Many people in long term recovery have relapsed but if you haven't it doesn't mean you have to. Remember what your mother used to say "If everybody jumped off a bridge it doesn't mean you have to".
Hopefully it means you have a strong program. Although the ugly head of addiction can reap its self at any time so once again between research and experience Here are some great warning signs you might be headed down relapse lane.

Self -Pity
Lots of it usually occurs. "Why me?' Or "No one cares"
Ego
"I got this" or "I'm better than them", Also putting yourself in dangerous situations like hanging with old using friends. Do this enough and it will wear you down.
Unrealistic Goal
"Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have". Don't set goals that you are not going to achieve anytime soon. This will lead to many of those feelings you want to avoid.
Impatience  People not doing what they should be or what you want them to. Things not happening at the pace you want them to.
Not using the tools of recovery- Meetings, Prayer, Social Networks, Meditation. This usually comes from boredom. You can't get bored with your program.
Lack of Gratitude
Forgetting where you came from and how much better things have become.
It Cant Happen to Me
If your disease is progressive like mine then you'll be in worse shape if you relapse.
Depression
Finding yourself being unaccountable or unreliable shows the need to get that crap out and talk about it.
Exhaustion
 Taking on to much at once like over working,trying to make up for lost time. This all brings up feelings that we don't want to have.
Recognizing these signs are so important and they usually happen long before the relapse happens so this way you can come up with a plan to get back on the right track.

Medical and Recovery

When i first got out into recovery, one of the first things i was told was that physical was a big thing when you come back from the war. They were right i had a grocery list of health problems and better health would help in my recovery.
I can say today 628 days later my grocery list is cut down to a convenient store list.

The  best thing i did though was I told my doctor  that i was in recovery. I asked him how he felt about that? I asked him if he had  ever treated an addict before. We decided after speaking a couple times that i should switch my primary care doctor. There were no hard feelings there was no yelling screaming  or any of those scenarios that we create in our heads. In fact after meeting with a specialist doctor i have had for many years he made a suggestion that i check out a doctor that he recommended.
I took that suggestion and i am so happy i did. My new primary doctor is the best. He stays on top of all of my health issues. He hooked me up with other specialist doctors who have recovering addicts  as patients.
Suddenly my health care has been a great experience. I don't dread going to my appointments anymore. As with my recovery, my health issues show progress. Add all this together i now care about my health. I want to get healthy.
Yes i have my issues with my health like smoking , losing weight etc etc and those i am getting to  i mean Rome wasn't built in a day.
So my advice to not only recovering addicts but anyone who feels like you progressing in your health, talk to your doctor or doctors. Communicate it might just be the best thing to help you get started.

Need I Say More

Memorial Day 2014

Happy Memorial Day

I Am No Expert But.............

So I did this interview today with a website I will be writing a monthly column beginning in June. Now one of the first questions was "How would you tell tell someone how to have a successful recovery?"
Now first off that question caught me off guard. Reason being I by no means am qualified to answer that question. I consider myself just a goofy guy who writes about his goofy life. I have no degree. I have no licence. All I can do is share my "experience, strength and hope".
So I started thinking what has made my recovery successful?

1. I Made My Recovery #1
I had to recover for myself and no one else. I had to keep telling myself I can't do this for my family, girlfriend, anybody. It may sound selfish but its the only way I felt I could successfully recover.

2.Communication
This was so vital for me. Communication is usually the reason things fail,My first marriage, some business ventures but most important I was a loner in my last couple years of active addiction. So picking up the phone, talking with the professionals I was working with and talking with other addicts who knew my story all to well but they were able to get through it and start to recover.

3.Just For Today
I hated these slogans of the the 12 Step program I now live. But Just for Today made so much sense. I couldn't dwell on the past. What was done was done. Yet I couldn't and I still don't look very far into the future. All I could do was stay clean today. Sometimes I could only concentrate on every 10 minutes but hey so far its worked.

4. People
If you have friends that may put your recovery in trouble, then its time to find some new friends. Friends that will have your best interest in mind. Friends that care about you.

5.Places
Now I'm not talking a geographical change by any means, but you can't be hanging out at the local drug house thinking you got a strong recovery program. If you do decide to pack up and leave town that doesn't always work either.Just remember you always take yourself with you. If you live in a neighborhood where the addiction is just outside your front door you can still recover just change your enviorment. Do those positive things that you have always wanted to do this will also stimulate your recovery. I love cultural events and they are happening all the time. Recovery is so much easier when positivity surrounds you.

6. Join a Support Group
Without the 12 step program and fellowship I have in my life I definitely would have never made it. The tools and help the program has given me you cannot put a price on. The value and wisdom has shaped the way I live my life today. I have seen this happen to many many lives even in such a short time.

7.Slow Down Take it Easy
The old saying we didn't become addicted in one day so easy does it. That saying I have learned to be so true. Recovery is not a destination it is a process. I made sure I tried not to overwhelm myself. The first 90 days for me was just about not using. All the other stuff would come with time. Rome wasn't built,made or conquered in a day and recovery won't happen overnight. Again its a process.

8.Volunteer
That's right give back. Your in recovery and what has been so freely given to you now not only can you give back to others in need but Service work in your support group or donating time at a local non profit can also pay great dividends to you AND your recovery. Not only will volunteering give you're self esteem a positive boost but it will give you that great feeling of accomplishment and pride.

9.Get Physical.
You have spent how long putting chemicals into your body? If that isn't enough to want to get you to start taking care of yourself what will? Eating right was another positive part of my recovery as it not only helped improve me physically but mentally.

10. Don't Give Up
Don't give in to the disease of addiction. It is not a battle you will win successfully. Use any desire you have as the motivation to have that new life you want so bad. Recovery is possible it happens everyday. You are not reinventing the wheel. You are giving yourself the life you deserve.

It's Summer!!!!!

So I was reading Leah Miranda's post Top 10 Sober Summer Activities (#sobersummer). I was inspired to do my top 10 list ( Thanks Leah!!!). Now I must admit summer has been on my mind for ohhhh let's see since December 26 and I have been mentally putting the list together. Now are these total sober or clean events - No not by any stretch of the imagination but as long as I stay clean and sober. So I would suggest if your not sure if you can handle the surroundings don't put yourself in those surrounding's. Now I'm not saying I went and hung out in drug houses and bars last summer. In fact last summer was the first "clean" summer I had in decades but last summer was filled with anxiety and panic attacks too and I did attend some events that sold alcohol or had people getting high. I ended up going to the local jazz fest here twice last summer once to see Dr.John and once to see my all time fav Delbert McClinton but I went with a huge sober support who would have broken my arms if I tried anything ( Thanks Sean). I also went to see Steve Winwood, The Allman Brothers and Styx. Again I went with another supporter and left when I wanted to. Some may argue that that wasn't a smart for me so early but it worked. So anyway back to my Summer of 2015 list of things I plan on accomplishing.

1. Bonfires
OK I agree the above picture looks more like a California wildfire or a meteor landing but last summer I did some bonfires and for some reason they were so cool. I really can't tell you why.I mean all we did was try not to get eaten alive by insects and just shoot the shit but still it was relaxing and I was hanging with good friends and that was perfect for me. So more bonfires this summer I say.

2. ADK
OK not making a trip to the Adirondacks wouldn't make my summer  complete its something I have done since I was little and even though I missed many years because I was off doing something else. I went last year and spent the week with my niece and had an awesome time. So why not do it again. Something about that "peaceful easy feeling", breakfast at "Good Times", Ice Cream at "Northern Lights " fireworks on the dock. No cell, no internet, no TV.

3. Read a Book

It had been years since I had read a book. It had been years since I had learned anything. Last summer I decided to read a book but just not any book a book that would take some time to read. A book that I could learn from. A book I would enjoy. So I looked and looked and funny thing was the book was right in front of me the entire time. Heck the book is probably close to you. I picked The Bible. Now I was brought up catholic. Catholic elementary school, Catholic High School ( until I was asked to leave). But I had never opened up a Bible. Now while I was running in active addiction any thought of a higher power just did not exist except of course for my 911 higher power. So now being clean I was trying to find my spirituality my higher power. So if I'm gonna reconnect why not read the book. So I read the Old Testament last summer. I learned so much and it got me to reconnect with my higher power. Now this summer I will read the New Testament.

4. Grilling
There is nothing like the taste of a huge burger with the juice dripping off of it,all the condiments overflowing onto a hard bun. Or the perfect taste of a tender steak with grilled corn on the cob and the unbelievable taste popping salt potatoes. Now if you were at any of the parties I was at last summer you know I can't grill for shit but I do love to eat and I do look good in an apron.

5. North Wildwood, NJ,
I miss North Wildwood so much. I lived there when I was in my late teens and I had some of the best summers ever. I lived in a 2nd floor shack by the ocean and I guarantee there is nothing like it. The ocean air, the unbelieveable seafood, stress less and beautiful plus I got a friend who has never been to the ocean who am I to deny that to them. Sounds like a road trip !!!!

6. Cigars
 To me the pleasure of after a hard day of work going out on the back deck and smoking a couple of cigars with a few buddies and the conversation starts flowing. Politics anyone?

7.Hometown Festivals
At least in the town I currently live in from about May to September There seems  to be a festival every night of the week. The International Jazz Fest, Corn Hill Arts Festival, Park Ave Fest, Clothes Line Fest. I could go on and on. Grab a Red Oiser ( great roast beef sandwich). Plus I love to people watch so I will definitely be hitting some of those.

8.Block Island,Rhode Island
This place is a hidden jewel. Block Island is like the Hamptons for the middle class. The way to get there is to take a ferry from Point Judith,NY you can bring your car on the ferry if you want but I suggest leave the car and rent a moped or bicycle to go around the island. Lighthouses are a stop you want to see. All the restaurants are top notch. Yes there are touristy shops and all that but it doesn't look or even feel like it. The beaches seem like they never end and the locals are the nicest people you'll ever meet.The island actually has that old southern look and attitude. I love going here. A three day stay is ideal for me and really gives me that chance to suck it all in.

9. Do Something for Someone
Whether you volunteer or contribute to a cause  that is awesome but try doing something nice for someone in your family or someone who is a person who does for others all the time but its rare

they are recognized. I am actually taking my 82 year old mother to go see Kieth Urban in July. I am not a fan of country music and to be honest I have never even heard a Kieth Urban song. But hey my mom has a crush on Kieth Urban and thats OK with me so were going to go to the show.

10.Stay Clean

This actually will be the most important thing I will do all summer. I must keep my program active,attend my meetings and do my service work. With keeping true to staying clean how can I not have a great summer.