The Meaning of Life or is it A Life of Meaning?

What is the meaning of life? Wow what a question.A very deep question I guess. In days past I could have made a whole 3 days of drinking and partying ( any excuse-right?)trying to figure out the answer. Now with 19 months and a couple of days I approach this question and I'm pretty sure I won't go to those extremes. At least not today.
I think in a way, all of us are searching our whole lives for this answer. Some of us never get that answer. Some of us go to extreme measures to get it. Some study great philosophers and their writings and experiments. Some people live their lives like "great men from the past. Others feel taking drugs for that out of mind out of body experience that can allow you to look at life from the outside and find that meaning. For me that usually meant getting high more often and for longer periods of time. I think I called it Research (any excuse right?). Believe it or not I never found the answer. I'm sure at times I acted like I found the answer. I probably acted like I had the answer. Hell I might have even told you the answer. I also would have told you OJ was innocent

I for many many years thought the meaning of life was in music. You could find all the answers in certain songs. The music was and still is an important part of my life but its not the meaning of life. It was a tool to get through life and still is. Music will always be my first love and I'll always be music's bitch. But the meaning of life? Nah.
Some people try to connect the meaning of life with the most simplest things. For example many people believe the number 42 is the meaning of life.

Buzz Light year's space ship is named 42. Elvis

died at age 42. The album by Pink Flyod's Album "Dark Side of the Moon" is 42 minutes long.The album Thriller and Back in Black are also 42 minutes long.

There are 42 gallons in a barrel of oil. Wimbledon used 42,000 balls last year. A Big Mac has 42% of your daily intake of salt.

So what is the meaning of life? I think its whatever you want it to be. 

Same Shit Different Day-Right?

Sometimes I have these days and I've come to the conclusion that these types of days are no one else's fault but my own. I become obsessed with time. I  want things to happen now. I know I have written about this before. It is obviously a major thing in my life right now.I get frustrated and feel like each day becomes "Same Shit, Different Day". I will have no ambition and don't feel like I am advancing with,well just life in general. Then things become monotonous, boring and again frustrating. These things lead to thoughts that I really don't want in my head. Thoughts that I have been fighting the last 19 months.When really I should just be happy I made it through another day clean.
I have heard about people making lists of things that they are grateful for each day. Now I'm not an expert on these lists but I am assuming that they make these lists first thing in the morning. Now I've never done one of these lists because to be honest I've thought they were stupid, silly even below me. Why? Best answer I can give is I'm judgmental and probably its also my ego. I know stupid right? Well thats why I'm telling on my self right now.
So things I am grateful for.

Seeing this is the first time I'll be doing this I want to do it correctly.So let's see what The McGraw-Hill Dictionary of American Idioms and Phrasal Verbs has to say.

Taking Someone or Something for Granted-  To expect someone or something  to be always available to serve in someway without thanks or recognition; to value someone or something too lightly.

Well pretty simple, pretty self explanatory Right? OK I'm gonna start with what should be most obvious but it isn't. To see, To touch, To Taste, To Feel, To Smell, To Love, To Hear and To Laugh. Our Freedom is another thing we have everyday that I'm sure gets taken everyday. But what about those things that get me through the day that I never really am thankful for but are so important. Music for me is like a lifeline but do I appreciate the science, the art,the mathematics that design it?Communication look how far this has come and some of us couldn't live without it. Water is another thing we can't live without ( literally, people)Breathing not air. The process of how we breath but don't even realize we are doing it.

What things do you take for granted?

I Got Stuff

It has been a few days since I posted on here. Why? I don't know.
Every time I sat down and began to write, I put it away. I just didn't feel like it. Of course I had in my head "The world will collapse if I don't post" and "Everyone will be so disappointed in me". "Everyone counts on me". Seriously these are the thoughts that go through my head.Crazy!! So for the three people that actually might read this blog. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I can't guarantee that it won't happen again but truly I'm sorry I'll try.
OK so on to other things on my list.

 The Anonymous People
Wow it was great. It was the first time I had seen the film in its entirety And I was extremely impressed and I was pumped to be honest. The Little was in my opinion was the perfect place to hold this event. Lots of people seemed very impressed with the screening. The Little Theater staff was great and very helpful. The really cool thing I was happy about was I didn't know 80% of the people that attended. Why does that make me happy? Well it tells me that people are truly concerned about the addiction problem in our area and even people came from Geneva,NY which is about 45 minutes from Rochester. Of course I must thank all of you that came. Whether I knew you or not that was awesome. Some of my family and friends from childhood came and that was the best type of support you can get. I also received a lot of support from people that want to help with my next project. Which brings me to my next thing to talk about.
The Rochester Recovery Film Festival

This is another reason I haven't been posting nearly as much. I have been busy trying to get this project off the ground.Lots of hurdles to get over but I'm encouraged to keep going. No major road blocks. Many things in this community need to be done about the growing drug epidemic here in Rochester. Treatment and aftercare are basically a joke. The only hope I feel an addict has in this area I feel is the 12 step programs which are extremely successful and do a great job but much more needs to be done and I feel awareness is a start just making the general public aware of the problem, the services available for help with for not only the still suffering addict but the services for the families and loved ones that are also caught in this grip of addiction.
So seeing the success I feel we had with The Anonymous People (note This was done with absolutely no media support just little ole me doing Social Media)That I felt let's expand it. So this is where the idea for The Rochester Recovery Film Festival came to be.

Now I am modeling the festival after another widely successful recovery film festival that is held across the states in large metropolitan cities such as San Francisco, Houston, NYC, Los Angeles to name a few. This festival is called Reel Film Festival. Now even though I am modeling The Rochester Recovery Film Festival after it, it will have a personality of its own. I will now give you some temporary details on it but let ma stress the word temporary. I do hope to have a press release and conference next month. My hope is that the festival can be held the the weekend of September 26,27 of this year. The reason I would like to have this held in September is because it is National Recovery Month. The first problem I am having is it seems like every film festival and its brother is having its film festival here. So finding a location is first thing on my list ( any ideas email me). Other events are also going on in this area for National Recovery Month and I felt this would be a great way to end this month. The website I am hoping will be up in the next couple of weeks as I have been working tirelessly to get that launched. 

I have been also in touch with many film directors who have expressed great interest to have their films shown and be available for Q&A sessions after the showing. So a ton of work to be ton but I feel it can be done one task at a time. 

So that's my life lately and I am happy with the way things are moving but for right now I need to get back to work. Thanks and any questions email me I'll be here.

Being Clean and Sober and going to College

After seeing The Anonymous People yesterday, in the documentary was a part about Teenagers that may be in Recovery and how going off to college could be a potential relapse. This makes total sense and something I have never really thought about because after all I am just a wee past my college years. I ended up doing some research on this and actually found about 20 or so different "Sober" colleges and I was surprised to find some well known colleges.
So what exactly is a "Clean and Sober College"?
Well it is exactly what it sounds like. A college where college aged students can go to learn and live in a substance free enviorment.
These colleges offer the same majors as any of the non-clean and sober colleges. It is awesome though that this offered

1. Brigham Young University, Provo,Utah'
2. Wheaton University, Wheaton,Illinois
3. College of The Ozarks, Point Lookout,MO
4. Thomas Aquinas College,Santa Paula,CA
5. US Military Academy, West Point, NY
6. Grove City College, Grove City,PA
7. Wesleyan College, Macon,GA
8. U.S. Coast Guard Academy, New London,CT
9. U.S. Naval Academy, Annapolis, MD
10. Calvin College, Grand Rapids, Mich
11. City University of New York- Brooklyn College, Brooklyn,NY
12. City University of New York- New York City College,NY,NY
13. City University of New York-Queens College,Flushing,NY
14. Mills College, Oakland,CA
15. Agnes Scott College,Atlanta,GA
16. Franklin W. Olin College of Engineering, Needham,MA
17. California Institute of Technology,Pasadena,CA
18. Simmons College,Boston,MA
19. Wellesley College,Wellesley,MA
20. Xavier College,New Orleans,LA

Trials and Tribulations

No one ever said this was going to be easy.No one ever said "Here is a magic pill, take it and your cured". Their was no guarantee. Their still is no guarantee. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and just maybe that's why I became so passionate about it because I really am fighting for my life everyday and that sucks but that is it. Do I want to make this something I have to deal with everyday for the rest of my life? Hell no. Do I have a choice? Hell no.
It kills me sometimes because people who don't have this disease or even people that can be weekend warriors and never have to worry about it taking over your entire life have no idea.Many people are absolutely clueless about the disease of addiction. That is not my concern right now or be the reason I'm once again writing about my life for anyone to see.
Me writing these posts each day actually do much more for me than anyone reading this. Maybe just maybe someone reading this might not pick up or maybe someone who is going through life with the disease of addiction can relate to something I'm going through and maybe they feel a little bit better. Now that's all and good and I hope that either one of those things can happen. But that is not my goal my goal is completely self centered.  I stay clean for myself. Not anyone else. I know that that comment can sound selfish but it is the only way this can work. It is sort of like the comment I can only be strong for someone as strong as I am myself.
Even though I know this will be a life long journey I do know each day gets a little bit easier and that makes me a little bit stronger and I am extremely lucky that I have been given the tools to make that happen and I do this through the 12 step program I practice every day.
I do get very frustrated at times though believe it or not. It is so frustrating sometimes to see people accomplishing goals that they set in life and are accomplishing them. Maybe they haven't accomplished them but they are still working towards them. These things frustrate me, not because I don't want to see them do this but because I am not able to do that right now. I need to continue to get better physically, mentally,spirituality. Could it be jealously? I'm sure in ways it is. I try not to look at it like that, I try to look at it as more of a motivation. Could I be doing more each day to get better? Probably.

I think of things like a person trying to get to the top of a mountain. Not a specific mountain just a big freaking mountain and as I do go through my trials and tribulations each day I hope to get a little bit closer to the top. Some days on my climb the weather might be foggy and I have to get through that fog to clearer sky. Sometimes it might be stormy and I need to take cover. Not everyday do I make great strides in my climb and that's OK . Some days I have to help other people in their climb. I have to watch myself because as in life there can be various pitfalls or dangers so not only must I be physically ready but mentally ready to be able to outsmart those dangers and spiritually strong to be able to ask for help or rely on something greater than myself to get me a little bit further in my climb. I also tell myself its OK if I might stumble on a root or a branch on my climb as long as I don't put myself in the bears path I'll be OK. I don't want to be king of the mountain. I don't want to claim that mountain as mine and fight anyone who also may be on "The Climb". I just want to find my little spot that I can build upon, that I can can develop,that I can protect,that I can each day reflect and be satisfied,be content and be thankful.

Life can be rough sometimes and life can be wonderful but its not just what you make out of it. To me its what your mind decides it is. Your mind can make things wonderful and your mind can screw with you something awful and sometimes you can control that and sometimes you can have no control over what your mind thinks or controls what you do. This is why I feel the best way you can have somewhat control is by having an active spirit, an active soul. The stronger your spirituality is, the more active your spirituality is. The more content, the more peaceful each day can be. The only way your spirit can be active is by having your physical body be active. I am not talking about going to the gym and working out everyday. I am talking about getting up and moving. Something that simple can be huge. Some days we just don't want to get out of bed and we don't want to face the world or deal with anyone. Imagine how we feel on those days and imagine how that little fire inside you feels. Probably just a flicker. I also find the more I am in touch with my spirituality or my soul the more I am less judging the more I am not only more in touch with myself but I can be more in touch with other people and understand people may have their own problems or issues going on in their own lives. I am going to always judge. It is inevitable our minds are trained to do that. We judge constantly everyday about many many things like people's appearances, what people are doing. I could go on and on as I am sure we all can. What I have learned though is if we can just slow down on the judging even a minimal amount. It can spread and create a huge amount of positivity. So what's the deal? I need to reread this and listen to my own advice.

Big Spike in Tickets for The Rochester Premier of The Anonymous People at The Little

We had a large spike in Ticket Sales for the Rochester,NY for the premier of The Anonymous People documentary. Some press is starting to kick in and more is expected as the last great P/R push begins for our April 6,2014 3:00 pm showing. If you do not purchase tickets online the only time the The Little will be selling them is day of show, so if you don't have your tickets yet buy them now online. You may click on the link below to purchase online. If you are unable to attend please consider buying a ticket for a recovering  addict who cannot afford to see this showing. I do have list of about ten people please contact me. Otherwise thanks for your support. After the showing a Q&A will be happening in the Little Cafe. Any questions about this or anything to do with the showing please contact me.
Just to let everyone know after this event I have been asked to put on a very large recovery event. Since all details are being still worked out I cannot speak of it yet but I should be able to announce it on Sunday. The reason I mention this here is for two reasons I am going to need a large volunteer committee so I would like to mention that and if you can't make it to the showing please continue to watch for posts with announcements right here but for right now my energy is all about this showing so let's have a sellout. Thanks

gathr.us/screening/7225

Depending on When You Read This 4 or 5 Days Left

gathr.us/screening/7225

As you can see not many days left until Rochester's Premier of The Anonymous People at The Little Theater at 3:00 PM on April 6,2014. Why we are having such trouble getting press is beyond me. Yesterday many news outlets were scrambling to make sure we knew all about the unfortunate heroin overdose on a college campus here. They were First to tell us about the up rise in heroin overdoses this year in our area (mainly in suburbs). Oh yea the solution---- form a partnership with an area outpatient only facility with a president/CEO that makes such responsible comments to our misinformed media here of "No One Dies From Heroin Withdrawal, You Just Feel Like You Want To"

Really??? No ones ever died from Heroin withdrawl. Really OK with not even getting into that Mr President/CEO have you checked the statistics of Suicides during withdrawl. Really Really? I'm sure you feel outpatient is the answer to everything and detox and inpatient are a waste of healthcare dollars but is the Almighty dollar more important than maybe a few lives saved? Give me a break really. Meanwhile buy a ticket and see what a positive message of recovery can do.